Oh my goodness, have we a jam-packed HUUUUUGE police blotter for you this month! Loaded with character, surrealism, and stupidity, is our America! Enjoy!


Burglary: A 27-year-old Kirkland man was disturbed by being unfriended via Facebook by another Kirkland man and came to that man's house, punched him in the face, and broke into the residence. The suspect then destroyed the inside of the residence and was charged with burglary, assault and malicious mischief.

Criminal trespassing: A woman took to her Facebook status to report a male intruder that she saw in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

According to the police report, Crystal Rossey, 30, 419 Summit Ave., told authorities that she was out with her boyfriend on March 27 drinking from 6 p.m. until the 2:30 a.m. bar close. While out, they ran into a Hispanic man they have seen before, but didn't know his name. They walked home and invited the man to join them. Once at the residence, Rossey changed her mind about having company and asked the man to leave, which caused an argument with her boyfriend, who also left. Rossey said she locked the doors and went to bed. She woke up later when she heard someone in the bedroom and felt the covers get pulled back, and realized it was the Hispanic man who had been there earlier.

The woman said her cell phone was out of service, and she had no landline. Instead of going to a neighbor or contacting police some other way, she went on Facebook and posted about the incident on her status and then went to bed. Her cousin saw the posting and called Rossey's father, who came over at 7 a.m. and discovered a screen had been removed from an east side window.

Bail-jumping: Police are seeking charges of bail-jumping against a 22-year-old West Allis man for allegedly violating the terms of his bond.

The conditions of the man's bond requires absolute sobriety and prohibits him from possessing or consuming alcohol as well as from being in bars, taverns and liquor stores.

According to the report, the man had posted on Facebook his intention to purchase alcohol for a party. Since he signed his felony bond, there were multiple photos of him on Facebook in an Oconomowoc bar with alcohol in his hand, according to the police report.

The Sheriff's Department had been contacted by numerous individuals regarding his violations. The man was located with a drink in his hand at a bar and had consumed alcohol. He was transported to Waukesha County Jail.


Harassment: A Kirkland man was unhappy with construction across the street from where he lives with his mother. During the early morning hours the man set up a high intensity projector on his front porch, pointed it across the street and turned it on. The victim advised the suspect that he will obtain an anti-harassment order against him.

Harassment: Four women who are simply unable to live peacefully in the same community phoned police to report they were being harassed by various other members of the group. An officer told all of them their problems would likely be solved if they simply quit talking to one another.

Prancing: A female, who was very drunk, told police that a Hispanic man was allegedly “prancing” in the parking lot of a North State Street apartment complex at approximately 2:28 a.m. on Saturday. She had questions regarding the incident.

Harrassment: A 21-year-old Brookfield man reported he found two notes taped to his vehicle's windshield in reference to it being his birthday that day and to him losing his virginity while it was parked in a parking lot at Waukesha County Technical College, 800 Main St., on April 13. There is a suspect. No permanent damage was done to the vehicle.

Injury, Child: A concerned citizen called to report that a small child in a vehicle at a local convenience store was bleeding from the nose, ears, and other spots on the face. Authorities found the child, and determined that they had been eating a candy bar.

: Two very drunk men in shorts were seen yelling at one another while walking in Evergreen.

Dispute: An Olney resident called to complain that a neighbor sprayed her with a garden hose and used profanities against her. Authorities helped them work it out.

Dispute: A man was washing his car on Fairfield and his neighbor was upset because the water was hitting his rose bushes.

Child Neglect, Harassment: A complainant reported having received three hang-up calls from the same number in the past hour. When he called back a woman answered, saying she was babysitting and there was no way anyone there could have called because the kids were locked up in the closet.

Dispute: Two Rose Avenue residents reported that their neighbor was playing loud music and spraying their flowers with weed killer.

Arson: On Oakwood Drive, a resident reported that she was unhappy with her husband for setting the rear lawn on fire.


: Police received report of a man punching himself while walking along W. Reagan Pkwy. around 7:35 p.m., April 6. An officer located the man and spoke with him, making sure everything was fine.

Menacing: Menacing was reported on Kenville Road when a woman, in her 30s, dressed in all red clothing, was chasing people in the street with a fork. She was taken home.

Potential Suicide
: A woman called police because she said she had a headache and was going to take several bottles of aspirin to settle her down. Upon police arrival, officers observed her shoveling Smarties candies into her mouth.

: A disorderly person was reported outside a Transit Road business jumping up and down, not stopping. He was taken home.

Information: A Transit Road resident called police to tell them he had a bat in a plastic container and would be leaving his residence shortly for an appointment.

: Police responded to a call from a Walden Avenue hotel that a man who was not staying at the hotel had been wandering around and smoking a cigar all day. The man stated “Mr. Millenium” told him he could stay there anytime. Police escorted him off the premises.

Disorderly: Police stopped a 23-year-old Park Place resident who was running in the middle of Main Street. When police approached the man, he reportedly turned around, ran backward and said vulgar statements to the officer while punching the air in front of him.

Public Soliciting: A solicitor, described as a 25-year-old white male with bleached blonde hair, wearing a leopard print shirt, was on North French Road attempting to sell magazines. The man, who was missing most of his teeth, was advised by police.


Recycling violation: Police cited Gerald Plymesser, 70, of 529 Merton Ave., for violating the village's recycling ordinance, as he was seen taking cans out of bins.

According to the report, someone saw Plymesser taking aluminum cans and called police. An officer located Plymesser in the 200 block of West Capitol Drive and warned Plymesser that he is not allowed to do that. Plymesser drove off on his motorized scooter, and the officer saw Plymesser continue to remove cans; he was subsequently cited.

Theft: Employees of the The World’s Largest Laundry in the 6200 block of Cermak told police they observed an “older” man fleeing east on a bicycle, while balancing three iron trash can lids.

Nuisance: A noise complaint was reported on Pin Oak Drive. Police responded and found a 50th anniversary party. The seniors were advised to turn down the Frank Sinatra music.


Vandalism: At 5:15 p.m. March 20, an officer responded to the DNR lot at the end of Frog Alley Road after receiving a report that a memorial plaque on the north end had been pushed over and spray painted "save the deer" as well as some profanity. Anyone with information should contact the Town of Mukwonago Police Department.

Vandalism: Apparently, someone beat up a house on Meadow Lake Drive in Columbia Falls.

Trash: Someone found 20 to 25 packages of half-smoked cigarettes wrapped in aluminum foil on Blanchard Lake Drive.

Domestic Violence
: A 43-year-old Depew woman reported that her 41-year-old husband hit her with a hot dog during an argument.

Retail Theft: A security guard of a Depew grocery store reported that a man grabbed a 12-pack of beer, some powdered drink mix, a can of sardines and a box of condoms and ran out the door.

Suspicious Actions: Someone was reportedly riding a bike with a milk crate on the back in Columbia Falls. The reporting party somehow found this suspicious.

Suspicious Actions
: It is suspected that an individual climbed into a Whitefish motel and possibly slept in one of the beds.

Theft: Someone on West Reserve Drive reports that their sister stole something from them, though it is unknown exactly what.

Trespass: A Hamilton Boulevard resident reported that his lawn furniture and garbage cans had been moved and sandwiches were found in his backyard.

Suspicious Actions: A complainant called from Hopkins Road saying he could smell drugs coming from workers at a restaurant. Patrol responded and reported they smelled nothing but pizza.

Mischief: Occupants in a muddy Jeep on Arlington Road were reportedly throwing eggs at parked cars. Police responded and found they were actually throwing large, pink marshmallows. No damage was found.

Suspicious Actions: A Sundown Terrace caller reported a ladder up against the window of a darkened house. Patrols reported a resident painting.

Damage: A pedestrian on Kings Highway reported a water main break in front of the middle school. There was no break. It was raining.

Vandalism: A house on Dellwood Road was egged overnight and three slices of bologna found on the windows.

Drugs: A Lakewood Parkway resident reported a white powder at the end of her driveway, which she believed was drugs. Patrol determined it was road salt.

Criminal Mischief
: Police responded to a report of criminal mischief on Seneca Street after a caller reported that her vehicle window was smashed and the culprit could be someone who is harassing her son. Patrol determined footprints around the car may have been the complainant’s. The caller then stated that she may have been dreaming.

: A youth hooked a shot at the Brighton Golf Course and it landed into another game. The men it landed near thought they boys had done it deliberately.


: After dialing 9-1-1, hanging up, and calling back, a West Valley Acres man indicated that his wife was “ragging” on him. Authorities escorted the intoxicated fellow to jail for disorderly conduct.

Misuse of 911
: A 911 hang-up call was placed from a Somerton Avenue residence. When questioned, a babysitter said she was watching a video on YouTube which mentioned Brittney Spears’ cell phone number and the group tried calling it. She said she hung up when realizing the prefix of the number was 911.

Misuse of 911
: Union Road woman called 911 because she didn’t know how to use her phone.


Theft: A suspect was stopped by store personnel at a Harlem Road supermarket when he was seen leaving with two 30-packs of Miller beer without paying. When asked if he was going to pay, the man said he wanted to exchange the beer for a different brand. The employee informed him it is against state law to exchange beer and invited him back into the store to discuss it. The man then said he was not actually there to exchange the beer but steal it, as he did not have any money.

Possession: A motorist burned his jeans after being pulled over by police. He panicked while smoking a marijuana joint and stuffed it in his pocket.

Theft: A Southcreek Court woman reported that she let her boyfriend borrow her truck to
run a brief errand, and he never returned. The woman said she had only known the man for two weeks and does not know his last name or his address.

Vandalism, Gang Activity
: In the 1200 block of East, a black Ford SUV was found with a broken window. The victim told police he has been feuding with a street gang with a silly name, though not as silly as the nicknames of its members. The feud specifically involves two characters known on the street as “Chaos” and “Potato” who live in the 1400 block of Grove and are known to hang out on their own block and at 21st and Grove.

Drugs: Police served a warrant on a Main Street and after taking the suspect into custody, police saw another man trying to flush items down a toilet. The toilet, however, was not connected to the floor drain, so the water and the contents of the bowl poured onto the floor, revealing two small plastic bags. An officer pulled the bags from the water with a coat hanger, and the contents of the bags field tested positive as cocaine.

: While on patrol, officers observed three individuals entering yards as they walked along Center Road. They appeared to be intoxicated and gave conflicting stories as to why they were walking in people’s yards, including that they were looking at deer, jumping over a ditch and heard a dog barking. One of the individuals began using obscene language. He fought with the officer as he was being placed in the patrol car and said, “Go ahead, mace me.” The officer complied.

A-B-C, EASY AS 1-2-9

: West Seneca police responded to the Route 219 South entrance on Ridge Road, where a vehicle was off the road. The driver smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and could not produce the vehicle registration or insurance card. Though the driver said he had not been drinking, he failed field sobriety tests. While attempting to recite the alphabet for the second time, the suspect said, “My mouth doesn’t work right.

Speeding, DUI
: A patrol pulled over a vehicle on Ridge Road after he observed the car traveling 76 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone and stopping in the middle of an intersection. The driver did know what street he was on, but said that he was coming from his girlfriend’s house and drank eight or nine beers. When asked if he knew the alphabet, the driver said no.

DUI: A patrol stopped a vehicle after observing it weaving and turning into the oncoming lane of traffic on Seneca Street. There was an odor of alcoholic beverage emanating from the driver. He said he drank a couple of beers. The officer asked the driver to recite the alphabet, and the suspect said “A,” then “T” and started laughing.

DUI: A patrol responded to a report of a loud party on Forestall Lane. Upon his arrival, the officer heard a bang and saw a vehicle up against a Dumpster. The vehicle backed up and then pulled forward, striking the Dumpster again. When attempting to recite the alphabet, the driver got to G, but then mixed up the letters. He tried again, but continued to confuse the letters until finally he got to T and said, “Oh, you know.


Domestic Disturbance: A Sable Palm Drive resident complained her boyfriend was intoxicated and urinating on everything.

: A suspect was stopped in traffic on Seneca Street. When approached by the patrol, the driver had a strong odor of alcoholic beverage on his breath. When asked for his license and registration, the suspect gave the officer a pizza menu, thinking it was his registration. An open bottle of Michelob Ultra was in the car cup holder. The suspect failed field sobriety tests and the alcosensor with a .25 percent blood-alcohol content.

: Evidently, someone put paint thinner in a towel and urinated in a trash can at a local church.

Resisting Arrest, Obstruction, Aggravated Assault, Disorderly Conduct: Police saw a man urinating in an alley in the 2400 block of Clarence and asked if he lived at the address. Benjamin J. Lugo, 30, of 22nd Pl. in Cicero, allegedly responded in a belligerent fashion, “No, I’m just taking a p@#$ in here, what the f@#$ do you want?” When Lugo refused to submit to a protective patdown, police noted a strong odor of alcohol. At that point, Lugo reportedly began yelling, saying, “You want to lock me up, b@#$%, go ahead, I don’t give a f@#$! I’m a %% Boy [name of street gang] from Cicero. I don’t care if I go to county, b@#$#, I’ll f@#$ you up.”According to the report, Lugo became combative, spit at the officers and threatened their wives and mothers. Three officers grabbed him “in a control position” and placed him on the ground face-first to prevent him from spitting again.

Disorderly, Resisting Arrest, Obstruction
: An intoxicated man was Tasered after belligerence toward police officers who were advising him to leave the area of El Corral tavern in the 6300 block of 26th St. “I was a little buzzed up. That’s where beer balls comes in,” Lorenzo Barrera, 23, of the 2400 block of Clarence reportedly explained later. Police responding to a bar fight asked Barrera to leave, but he protested, saying he lost his $400 phone in the bar. Events allegedly escalated into a shouting match in the middle of 26th and Highland, where Barrera allegedly told police officers “F#$% you b!#$%es, Berwyn cops are nothing but b@#$%es and n@#$%rs.” He refused to be handcuffed, so an officer deployed his Taser, striking Barrera in the chest and stomach with the prongs. An ambulance brought the suddenly subdued man to MacNeal.

DUI: A patrol responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle on Connor Court. He located and stopped the vehicle. As the officer approached the car, the suspect opened his door and could not comprehend requests to close the door and roll down the window. The driver failed to put the car in park, and the vehicle began to roll backwards. The officer had to reach in the car and place it in park. When asked for his license, the driver handed the officer a credit card.

Leaving the Scene of an Accident, DUI: Police responded to an accident on Northwood Avenue,where a car had run over a metal sign. The suspect had abandoned the vehicle and fled on foot. He was located on a nearby street and admitted he had been drinking. After failing his third field sobriety test, the suspect said, “Let’s just call it a day.


Animal Control: A woman on Grover Cleveland Highway reported a large animal was behind her dryer and making a lot of noise. A large rat refused to come out of the hole. All were advised.

Animal Control: A one-legged turkey was reportedly in the middle of Willow Ridge Drive. The complainant said the bird was unable to move to the side, but it chased the patrol car that responded.

Animal Control: A goose was tapping on windows at the library on Audubon Parkway. The goose left.

Loose Animal
: A stray donkey returned home after an excursion to a Creston subdivision. The owner was overjoyed at its return.

Injured Animal
: A reportedly injured duck in Evergreen was actually quite content, and was simply mating with another duck.

Assault: A Lancaster woman reported she suspected her husband, with whom she is in the middle of a divorce, put bird droppings on top of the coffee grounds in her coffeemaker.

Disorderly: Two people in gorilla suits were walking around an Amherst subdivision “smacking passing motorists and yelling obscenities.” They were located while sitting by the side of the road and advised to put the suits away.

Loose Animal: A chicken was reportedly running in an area on Klein Road.

Animal Control: A Lake Avenue resident told police a turkey flew through her garage apartment.

Animal Control: A Delaware Avenue resident reported that her neighbor might be harboring a rooster.

Animal Control: A man called from Maple Road to report an encounter he had with a raccoon the previous night. He said the raccoon challenged him.

Loose Animal: A Casey Road resident wanted advice about the neighbor’s dog. The complainant wanted to know if it was OK to hit the dog with a baseball bat or shoot it when it got loose. He was told it was not all right.

And finally…


Vandalism: A Depew man, who is a registered sex offender, reported that someone had spray-painted the words “sex offender” on his front lawn.

Disorderly: A male was reportedly yelling and screaming in his Randolph Avenue driveway. Police reported he actually was trying to rap.

Domestic Dispute: Police were called to a dispute on Creekside Drive where a 15-year-old girl was out of control. The mother controlled the situation by sitting on the daughter.

Vandalism: An Orchard Park resident reported that someone dumped ramen noodles in their hot tub.

?: An East Bentham Parkway resident reported someone tasted her meatloaf. No evidence of such crime was found.

Property Damage: A Bayberry Avenue woman reported that someone entered her vehicle, rummaged through items and broke a Bon Jovi CD.