ABBA IS NOT

Oh, I tell ya, I tell ya, some things get me irritated, including the news that the blandest, lamest pop group EVER, which is ABBA, is getting into the Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame. Aw, come ON people! Why not nominate The Singing Nun or Raffi or this?



Yes, that’s the 1968 winner of the annual Eurovision song contest with (wait for it) “LA LA LA.” Pretty powerful stuff, I know. I think the winning song the year before was “DEE DEE DEE” and the year after was “DOO DEE DOO DEE, LA LA LA.” Clearly, the four Swedes that made up ABBA took a page from that book to come up with their very own Eurovision entry, the deeply-introspective and hard-hitting “RING RING.”



Just get the two fairly hot girls to sing along together, say the same words over and over 5000 times in a row, and squeeze the sound through a 1” aluminum colander into a bowl of tin foil. Repeat until wealthy.

Actual titles of ABBA songs:

Bang-A-Boomerang
ConociƩndome, ConociƩndote
Dame! Dame! Dame!
Dum Dum Diddle
Free As A Bumble Bee
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
Hey, Hey Helen
Honey, Honey
I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do
I Am A Musician
King Kong Song
Money, Money, Money
On and On and On


In my ideal world, fellow 2010 RNR HOF entrants The Stooges would run onstage during ABBA’s induction performance, make out with the girls, kick the guys’ asses, then push them all off the front of the stage and perform this:



It could happen.