It's true: I devote almost none of my time to television or movies. I don't say this as some kind of a brag, which would be silly and potentially obnoxious as it can be when you are talking to a guy about that seething undercurrent of jealousy between Mary Ann and Ginger on "Gilligan's Island," and he says drily, "I've never seen that show. We didn't have a TV; we read the classics and played lacrosse." Get outta here, Mitt. Anyway, I suppose the bottom line is that most days I like to DO and MAKE things more than WATCH things, and it just takes a certain amount of time each day to locate screaming goat YouTubes and make hacky political Photoshops for this blog. You understand.

So, with that in mind, why did I choose to watch the Golden Globes broadcast last night when I saw only TWO of the nominated films and exactly NONE of the television series last year, and I just LOATHE pompous, over-long awards shows? Well, watch host Ricky Gervais! He's very funny, smart, and completely untrustworthy, which are qualities I really like in an entertainer. Wisely, I put the show onto my DVR to lessen the pain of commercials and 1000 cuts to faces of bored Botoxed celebs in the audience.

Therefore, with little relevant artistic content rattling around in my head to confuse me, I bring you my brief list of likes and dislikes from the show. (All photos/video courtesy Golden Globes)

LIKE: Ricky Gervais. He was indeed smart and funny, and really too smart and funny for that show, which made it all enjoyably awkward. I only wish he would've done MORE. If you are not getting drinks thrown at you or if you are not removed from the show during the show, you do need to work harder.

DISLIKE: Ricky Gervais' shiny red suit. Unflattering and odd. I could change this to a "LIKE" if he wore it just to piss people off.

LIKE: That one of the two movies I saw, "The Artist," won a bunch of stuff.

DISLIKE: Bringing on the cute but extremely-hyper Jack Russell Terrier who also starred in "The Artist" took attention away from the sincere guy who was trying to say a nice acceptance speech about his dad and stuff.

LIKE: Tina Fey photobombing Amy Poehler's nominee close-up.

DISLIKE: The horrible, horrible, horrible and obvious orange spray tans. Rob Lowe's was especially hilarious as he stood next to fellow presenter and very pale person, Julianne Moore.

LIKE: Morgan Freeman's acceptance speech, by far the best of the night, was funny, sweet, humble, reflective, and perfectly delivered and timed.

DISLIKE: Madonna. Just every single thing there would be to dislike about a person is there for me. Pathetic Euro Trash accent? Check. Revolting gristle arms (someone on Twitter called them "snow crab arms," HA HA HA) and creepy plastic surgery? Check. Overtalking? Check. Desperately unfunny and clumsy attempt to zing Gervais? Check. Smug, gargantuan ego-drenched acceptance speech, which mentioned "MY song" and "MY movie" about a zillion times? Oh, check. As it has been since the first day I saw her writhe around on MTV with her ho gear with a voice best suited for not singing anything EVER, I wait for the day she explodes into tiny pieces of carbon and silicone from her own prodigious methane output.

LIKE: Miss Golden Globes, Andie McDowell's daughter, was lovely and adorable, which is not unreasonable as her parents were both supermodels.

DISLIKE: Zooey Deschanel's overly-adorable mugging during her nominee close-up. There is a shelf life of "Hello Kitty" cutesy, and in another five or ten years, it's going to look like Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" Which, of course, would be STONE COLD AWESOMELY AWFUL.

LIKE: Jean Dujardin's smile. Oh my goodness. HiiIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIiiiiIIII.

DISLIKE: The questionable facial hair grooming of several of the guys. Too metrosexual (Bradley Cooper) or too Charles Manson (Jeremy Irons), and I so hope William H. Macy's 'stache is for an acting role.

LIKE: The way Helen Mirren, Jodie Foster, and Meryl Streep improve with age.

DISLIKE: That Kate Beckinsale didn't go for the comedy when Seth Rogan cracked that he had a boner. She totally should have reached over and done a 2-second package check and reported back.

LIKE: Winner Woody Allen, for not attending.

DISLIKE: The Beverly Hilton Hotel. The room looked like it hadn't been updated since 1976. Also, smashing all the tables together so that it was difficult for winners to get to the stage to accept their awards made was lame.

LIKE: Winner Martin Scorsese, for attending.

DISLIKE: Elton John, who is looking (even more) like a sour-faced Poodle groomer these days.

LIKE: Matt LeBlanc, for not dying his hair. Guys, don't dye your hair. It rarely looks better and/or real.

DISLIKE: George Clooney finding it necessary to let us know how awesome his good pal Brad Pitt is.

LIKE: Christopher Plummer thanking his beautiful wife in a poetic and romantic way, causing the calloused Hollywood folk to actually audibly swoon.

DISLIKE: Jessica Lange's dress, which served to highlight all the things one doesn't want highlighted. See Jane Fonda for how to totally rock an evening gown in your dotage.

LIKE: Winner Octavia Spencer's beautiful lavender dress and wickedly-sharp up-do.

DISLIKE: Angelina Jolie's all-too-spooky Vampira Skeletor look.

LIKE: That the show convinced me that I should at least see at least a couple more of the movies, and go see "The Artist" a second time just to sigh over Jean Dujardin again.

DISLIKE: That Jean Dujardin is married, dammit.