I can't think of a more plainly-spoken genre of music than good ol' American country. Hip hop comes close, but I find the urban-style plain-talk to be liberally interspersed with lots of bragging exaggeration, too. No, country music has thrived for years on simple, direct expressions of down-home life, which millions of people all over the world can relate to, even if they do not drive a truck, have all their own teeth, and have never been further south than Toledo (Ohio or Spain).

Country music is also often funny, by winking intent or sincere misadventure. (For the latter, please click HERE to enjoy the wonder that is Red Sovine, GENIUS.) Today, I am going to bring you a few vintage country gems addressing those lyrical unblessed...with traditionally-appealing physical features. Ladies and gentlemen, Five "Ugly" Songs of Country Music! Please to enjoy!

Country music legends Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty team up here to sing "You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly." That the White Stripes didn't cover this is a massive disappointment. It needs to be resurrected!

The Maddox Brothers and Rose just are not pulling any punches here in advocating a girl who is "Ugly and Slouchy." This is a sentiment-companion to the infamous "If You Want To Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life."

Kris Kristofferson wrote "I Hate Your Ugly Face" when he was only 11 years old. Here he is performing it quite a few years later. Brilliance, young sir, brilliance.

Bobby Bare slides an old joke into some generic country-pop and calls it a hit: "I Never Went To Bed With An Ugly Woman." That's not all he slid an "old joke" into, HA HA.

And finally, George Jones and Johnny Paycheck own their own less-than-movie-star looks with 1980's "When You're Ugly Like Us (You Naturally Got To Be Cool)." And rich, guys... don't forget rich!