(I call MissNine over to the laptop to watch a viral video of a pet rat riding on the back of a pet capybara in a swimming pool. I say nothing at all about it.)

MissNine: Oh my god! What is that? Oh my god, that's a mouse on a huge THING! You can't have that in a swimming pool! Oh my god, they must live in Australia because Australia is only made from CRIMINALS!!


Marianne's Very Short Australian Pronunciation Guide:

snake: snike

shark: shack

deadly: Diddley

mate: mite

left: lift

Australia: Ass Tray Leah


Also, in Beerwah there is a Giant Mower to mercilessly taunt crocodiles.


The Huntsman Spider, very commonly found in Australian homes and cars, is very quick, can leap great distances, and can grow to have a legspan of 10 to 12 inches. You're welcome.


The Australian Wombat takes square craps.


A popular brand of ice cream in Australia is "Gaytime." No joke -- this commercial from the '80s is completely...straight.


And finally, mite, celebrate 2011 Australia Day like a native: here's footage from the opening of the Annual World Cockroach Races, complete with hot chicks and bagpipes.