If you don't enjoy a good juicy chunk of pineapple, there is something wrong with you. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel. Fresh pineapple is one of the world's best treats: sweet, juicy, chewy, and YUM. But I must say, I know very little about pineapples. It's not like they grew on the farm next to me in Wisconsin, dontcha know. So since I don't like having knowledge deficits nor fresh fruit deficits, we made our way over to the Dole Plantation, a short drive up to Wahiama in Central Oahu in Hawaii.

The Dole Plantation is definitely geared towards tourists, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's very easy to navigate, kid- and senior-friendly, and an interesting change from the beach scene. There are essentially five things to do here: eat in the cafeteria, shop in the very large gift shop, ride on a small train, go through the World's Largest Maze, and take a tour of their Botanic Garden. We started out at the train, which is pretty darn cute.

It's a 20-minute ride through some of the pineapple fields, commercially-narrated, and entirely pleasant.

Now here is where we parted ways. The kids wanted to do the maze; I find mazes more annoying than challenging. The kids went to the maze, and loved it...

...while I went by myself on the Garden Tour and took NINE BILLION PHOTOS OF FLOWERS AND PLANTS. Forgive me for my excess; perhaps my fellow Seattle pals will enjoy a jolt of color (I hear it's like 44 degrees and raining there, what a SHOCK). You can use them as screensavers or drink coasters! Here we go.

After my nature frenzy, I met up with the Maze Monkeys. A peacock tried to get in the maze. Silly peacocks!

We were thirsty and hungry so got some noms at the Plantation Grill. I got a pineapple chili dog which was DAMN TASTY THANK YOU, and an even-more-tasty thing, the Dole Whip. Oh mah gawd, this concoction was the closest thing I've had to good ol' Wisconsin frozen custard: smoooooth and rich. I could eat several every day. It's good I don't live here.

After that, we did the final thing, a trip to the gift shop, where MissEight and I bought a couple of t-shirts, some bracelets, a book, and some locally-made soaps. We left full of food and knowledge, with a pocketbook only a little emptier, and called it a day.