Today's post is brought to you via what is apparently my FIRE-CONSUMED BED, as I lay here with a raging fever, a rebellious stomach, and aching muscles, somehow trying to convince myself that I can attend a concert this evening. If I were to ask a Magic 8 Ball, "Should I go to the show this evening?" I am fairly sure it would reply, "BITCH, PLEASE, NO WAY." But I will keep holding out for the Miracle Of The Sickbed until the last minute. In the meantime, ain't no one else gonna keep this blog perky, so it falls to me, Flu McFailure.

I don't know about you, but when I am not feeling well I am particularly sensitive to noise. I don't want to be prodded further into despair by a droning TV, neighborhood construction grind and rumble, or LOUD TEENAGERS HOOTING AND SNORTING AT THE INTERNET (CouchTeen and Pal, HEY WHAT IS UP?). Grr. While I was ruminating about noise and resting my head on the toilet bowl, just for kicks I tried to think of a few songs that I would least like to hear when sick. These five would cause me to (further) explode or maybe even take a taxi to the zoo to punch newborn panda cubs.

"Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows," Lesley Gore

There's something about this song that makes me think it's going to end up in a violent movie someday.

"It's a Small World," Disney Robots

I'm sorry, this is just creepy. Hell would be running this song on a loop.

"Lady," Styx

I have loathed this song since Day One of its foul existence. If you even bring this by my when I am better be wearing a Hazmat suit.

"Don't Worry, Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin


"Mairzy Doats," Janet Lennon

My mother used to sing this when I was really little, and I would always ask her to stop. Harsh.

The only thing worse than someone playing one of these to me right now would be SOMEONE COOKING BACON, which SOMEONE is doing HERE RIGHT NOW! AAAAHH! HURL!