So, I'm opening the mail today after being away a few days, and see this:

Hmm. OK. It appears from this fancy piece of direct marketing mail I have been targeted to be informed that Greater Seattle-ish will soon be further blessed with more upscale shopping, via The Shops At The Bravern, opening next week in Bellevue. I, or "Current Resident," am "invited to be part of the story." Oh, good god. I mean, I realize they had to hand this project to some helpless advertising copywriter, but "Let The Story Begin???" This is a friggin' shopping mall, not life-changing Tibetan spiritual retreat or something. The only story beginning at The Bravern is how to explain away your bulging credit card statement after shopping there. Pffft.

Direct mail marketing makes a lot of assumptions about me. They've complied their data and assume that I want to "sip champagne while perusing this fall's Jimmy Choo collection" or stop by "Trophy Cupcakes." They are thinking that someone like me (or Current Resident) wishes to join them at their "vibrant outdoor village that invites endless discovery." I have discovered long ago that I just don't want to pay a lot for that muffler, or those shoes, or that dress, or that anything, even though sometimes I could, and very occasionally do. But The Bravern is not really looking for me, the shopper who waits with infinite patience until their clothes hit TJ Maxx past season. They want the shopper who doesn't cringe at price tags. Terrible habit.

Well, don't get me wrong. I hope The Bravern does really well, employs a lot of folks, and makes people happy. I don't want to see empty shops and condos and failed developments more than I am already.

Unless there's a REALLY good sale at The Bravern, Target me elsewhere.