1. Take picture of rubber chicken on hotel balcony.

2. Go to hotel swimming pool and inadvertently take photo of man with moobs.

3. Go to beach. Burn feet on hot sand.

4. Stand in Pacific Ocean. Think, "Shit! I burnt my feet!"

5. Watch daughter dig hole in sand. Watch daughter stare at hole in sand.

6. Recall previously-blogged statement: All Seagulls Are Assholes.

7. Take picture of rubber chicken on beach.

8. Take picture of cute guy with a wedgie.

9. Get in hot rental car to go to a theme park.

10. Take picture of rubber chicken in scrub.

11. Take representative family photo at theme park.

12. Recall that you are prone to Dizziness and Nausea.

13. Send kids on rides by their own damn selves.

14. Allow children to enjoy interactive displays.

15. Go to aquarium.

16. Say hello to Mr. Ray.

17. Insert older child into whale belly.

18. Return to hotel. Take picture of rubber chicken on fancy bed.

19. Get Iced Venti Latte. Write on your stupid blog. Sleep.