In one of my thrifty outings a few months ago, I picked up a 1967 copy of the Bear Cub Scout Book, published, of course, by the Boy Scouts of America. Intended for the 9-yr.-old Cub Scout, it is a manual outlining all the steps, called "Achievements," that young lads need to take to earn their "Bear Badges" and to continue on to become actual Boy Scouts. The handbook is richly illustrated, and I thought I might share a few of them with you here. Let's Bear!

ACHIEVEMENT #1: Form a musical group, featuring drums, trumpet, a horse, a cow, and the guy from the Quaker Oats box.

ACHIEVEMENT #2: Build a hat adorned with a cyclist and its rider and a a birdhouse. Write Jay Leno about it.

ACHIEVEMENT #3: Stay up for seven days straight with no sleep.

ACHIEVEMENT #4: Soul Train line dance.

ACHIEVEMENT #5: Learn how to act like a jackass at parties.

ACHIEVEMENT #5 (HONORS): Learn how to act like a jackass at parties with props.

ACHIEVEMENT #6: Straighten your leg until something snaps and someone laughs at you.

ACHIEVEMENT #7: Apply for membership in the NRA after killing the neighbor's caged pet rabbit with a bow and arrow and then using non-standard grammar in a letter.

ACHIEVEMENT #8: Learn how to stop vigilante superheroes.

ACHIEVEMENT #9: Learn how to hover.

ACHIEVEMENT #9 (HONORS): Learn how to hover in front of Kevin Spacey and Ray Charles.

ACHIEVEMENT #10: Learn Synchronized Drowning.

ACHIEVEMENT #11: Learn how to handle family conflict.

ACHIEVEMENT #12: Learn how to forge positive relationships and avoid being shanked in prison.