I've been down and out all today with a hovering fever, which makes me very MAD and SAD because I am at this very second missing a fantastic show in Seattle that I have been waiting to see for months. I have rolled out of my flaming bed, armed with a fruit smoothie, even more Advil, and a fan pointed at my face to deliver this post. Since all I can think about is this ruinous stupid FEVER, here I shall bring you five lousy-ass attempts by peoples on the YouTubes to sing the classic jazz torch song, "Fever," made most popular by Peggy Lee. Sung well, "Fever" is a smoldering, lustful, cooler-than-cool croon; sung poorly, it is about as sexy as a nit-picking spider monkey in a bustier. Please to enjoy, and bring me bags of ice.

Sometimes, before the person sings a note, you just KNOW. You just KNOW.

Ms. Tracey Bullock, "Fever"

This vocal artist is going off of Elvis Presley's version of "Fever," although I feel he may have had his tongue removed at some point in time.

pattarasila59, "Fever"

This is more jarring than sultry.

Mia Marchese, "Fever"

Here is what "bappreciated" had to say about his cover version: "Song for the day.. one take strange version of very classic, classy song by Peggy Lee. Lots of folks try to copy her..but it can't be done! Cloning works ok for sheep. This attempt should have been peppier, but just took my Prozac. :)" OK.

bappreciated, "Fever"

And I have saved the BEST for last. Waiting for all the partygoers to leave, this young woman decides to OWN her version of "Fever" REAL REAL HARD. WOW!

mitsymagicful, "Fever"