There’s no reason at all to get in a rut, people. Sometimes you just have to shake things up. My suggestion for today is that you set your Public Persona Filter to “wut?” and let some unexpected comments fly. The important thing in this small experiment is to deliver the lines with the same expression and comportment that you would normally maintain towards folks. If you are young, you can blame it on drugs or stupidity. If you are old, blame it on creeping dementia. Here are a few examples...


Bagger: Paper or plastic?

You: Silk.

Checker: Debit or credit?

You: You have the loveliest eyes.

Deli Counter Server:  It’s a little over a pound, is that OK?

You: No.

Person Behind You In Check Out Line: Is this the check out line?

You: No, it’s the line for the pool.


Retail clerk: Can I take those and start a fitting room for you?

You: Yes. I require mood lighting and a fruit basket as well.

Perfume Sample Girl: Would you like to try some Night Romance by Shakira?

You: Oh, no thank you, I have cancer.

Shoe salesman: What size do you wear?

You: I’m not sure. Let’s ask a bear.


Nurse: Do you know how to do a urine clean catch?

You: My grandpa showed me once.

Doctor: How have you been?

You: I brought my diary for the year along with me. I’d like to read it aloud to you now.

Receptionist: I’ll just need to scan your insurance card again.

You: Did you know that someday I’ll be standing here talking to a robot?


Barista: What you would like today?

You: Split-shot, no whip, deer tongue, spaghetti tonsils, extra hot, got that?

Person Waiting For Coffee With You: How’s it going?

You: Great! I’m reading this fabulous new novel and my anus stopped leaking!

Customer: Is this chair taken?

You:  My grandma died on that chair. But take it. Go ahead! Just…take it! :sob:

Have fun!