BLOTTER 16

As we see out 2010, let us be thankful that we are none of these people or the people who had to deal with them. WOO HOO! Police Blotter Time! Happy 2011, everyone!HAPPY THANKSGIVING, SON!Order violation: A Kirkland woman reported that her ex-husband had given their five-year-old son a dead turkey head. The woman said that the turkey head was intended for her and her boyfriend. The woman also reported that the husband had violated several restraining...

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MY SECOND DAY IN BED WITH KEITH RICHARDS

Going for a rock n’ roll spin on the common virus, I decided to deal with almost-post-illness fatigue today by finishing up Keith Richards’ autobiography that I started yesterday. Read, nap; nap, read; shower, nap, read, eat something, write up what I thought about Life.First off, a standing ovation to James Fox, the writer who had the tenacity and talent to take hours of taped interviews he did for this book with Richards over a period of five years...

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MY DAY IN BED WITH KEITH RICHARDS

Today a double-barreled assault on my immune system -- a stomach bug + the family hacking cough -- caused me to take to my boudoir for most of the day in inelegant repose. Not in the mood for the blare of the television nor for the energy of the radio, in-between snorts and gurgles I recalled that Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones had been hanging out quietly in my bedroom for awhile now, and that I really should attend to him. So we snuggled...

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IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY…

I’m having a bit of a crisis of conscience. Maybe if I write about it I can sort it out. Maybe you can help me sort it out. All I know is that it keeps nagging at me, which means I have to deal with it. I have something I very much want to write about. It would not be a simple thing to do, just by the nature of the topic and time constraints. I feel like I could do a good job with it, and that it would be a unique piece and perhaps of some critical...

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SIBLING INSULT FAILURE

D'oh...

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THE BEATLES VS. GERMANY

A long-running battle, apparently. It began with the Beatles' mockery of Hitler and Hitlermania. The Beatles, "We Build TANKS!" Then a German adolescent with a cracking voice made a bad Beatles cover version in spite. A German Kid, "Let It Be (Untuned)" Then the Beatles played poorly at a concert in Germany: Then some more German kids did a kind-of scary German-language cover of "Help!" Some More German Kids, "Halt!" Then the Beatles...

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VIVIAN MAIER

This is a story that leaves me just about speechless.  One of the greatest street photographers of our time was a French-born woman named Vivian Maier; this I feel is true even just having seen a small sample of her work. Most of her life she was a nanny in the Chicago area, a very private individual, didn't seem to have family or friends. But she always wore a camera and always was taking pictures, it's said, although Vivian never shared her...

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VIDEO FUN: EVERYTHING IS ONE BIG CHRISTMAS TREE

My Christmas present to you today is this: a little video I made up for The Magnetic Fields' "Everything Is One Big Christmas Tree." The song, from this year's "Realism" album, has been hanging out in my head for almost a full year. It's jaunty, funny, and creepy, and I love it. I could picture a complete video for it, every shot, and I even tried to think of some possible way I could DO it. I am often overambitious.As best I could do in a few hours...

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SANTA LIVES IN CHELSEA

It is my pleasure to share with you today this lovely story, beautifully produced by the New York Times. Merry Christmas. ...

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A VISUAL REVIEW OF X-TREME POWER'S "RESPECT & OBEY AUTHORITY"

CouchTeen brought this music video to my attention yesterday. "Go to YouTube," he said. "OK," I said. He typed the title of this song into the YouTube search, then sat down next to me and we watched it together: I looked at the screen like this: Then I looked at CouchTeen like this: Then CouchTeen looked at me like this: Then I looked back at the video like this: Then...

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4X4: MY FAVORITE PERSONAL PHOTOS OF 2010

My goodness. My computer tells me that I took over 10,000 images in 2010, not including the zillions I trashed. Apparently I like photography. I decided to go through my year's photos to bring you a few that I, without justification or hesitation, loved. Some fun facts!: -- Only two of them were taken with a DSLR, most with a couple of Canon point-n-shoots, and one with an iPhone. -- They were taken in 4 different states. -- None of them used...

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THE GREAT-GRANDFATHER

This is a true story, in case you might think that it was not.I received an odd request from my 84-year-old mother the other day. She lives in a very small town, doesn’t own a computer nor wants to, but occasionally asks me to assist her by doing internet searches on some topic of interest or purchase something for her that she couldn’t. After some chit-chat, she asked me if I could find a specific book for her. Of course, I said; I had done this...

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ONE LAST THING

Here's a small mental exercise with big insight: take a moment in your mind to gather the people in your family who have died around a dinner table. You are allowed to ask or tell them one last thing. Spend no time thinking about it -- write down the first thing that pops into your head. I'll go: Grandma Lizzie: Your cinnamon rolls were really, really delicious. Grandpa Guy: Did you really balance a push lawn mower on your chin, or am I crazy? Grandma...

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SISTER MARY ELEPHANT IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER

I played "Sister Mary Elephant" by Cheech & Chong for MissEight today. She can't stop playing it....

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…AND WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

For those students like me who spent all of their school years waiting for the minute hand on the big round black clock on the wall to click over to the right and make it 3PM and OUT, it’s sometimes odd how school follows you around anyway. The consequences of the choices you make in your educational career, whether good, bad or solidly indifferent, are life-long. For many people, their years spent in school may total more than any single job, hobby,...

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WILCOFFEE

Oh, lookee here, fans of fine music and coffee, look what I GIFTED MYSELF, because I haven't KILLED ANYONE YET this holiday season!: Marianne?, you say, Marianne...your coffee has "WILCO" on it. Why yes it does, I reply. Marianne?, you say, I thought Wilco is an American alternative country rock band based in Chicago, Illinois. Well, yes, OK, yes, I reply, that is true, although I think that's an incomplete and possibly...

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TODAY'S XMAS SHOPPING A-HOLE AWARDS

I am still, of course, in hunter-gatherer mode for Christmas. I made the tactical decision to visit TJ Maxx and Cost Plus Warehouse this Friday afternoon, knowing that both stores would be crowded and traffic jammed. I also know that the misery of this will be exponentially raised on the weekend, so I took the lesser evil. Yet still -- STILL -- my experience was somehow made EVEN WORSE by a few suburban TURDS. I will immortalize them here on the...

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PEOPLE LIKE LISTS: MY 11 FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2010

Everyone and their grandma and their miniature horse and their work-related urine sample makes a year-end “best in music” list…I know, I know. Making one for myself isn’t me trying to convince you what is “best” because that is a silly conceit anyway. It’s more just having an opportunity to re-enjoy and re-think some of the albums I listened to this year. You are completely welcome to listen along. I enjoy your company, especially when you bring...

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