BAHAHA! Courtney Love is getting sued. This time, it’s for disparaging statements posted by her on Twitter towards a fashion designer. I know I know, its just unthinkable that a woman with Love’s stability and restraint would snark all over someone else on a social media site, right? Hoo hah. So Dawn Simorangkir is looking for justice, possibly in Los Angeles’ “Jackson Family Court.” I think the Jacksons like to rent it out in the short periods when they are not suing, being sued, or using the space to hold moonwalk lessons: $100 an hour for instruction by Janet ($50 extra for nip flash), $10 for Randy. Poor Randy.

Anyway, Love tried to get the case thrown out of court, and has failed so far. It seems pretty legally clear that Simorangkir has a leg to stand on, assuming she is not a mine victim or had some kind of paralytic event. Libel is libel, and it doesn’t matter if you are writing online, in a newspaper, or on a freeway overpass wall – if you purposefully made a false statement (or even knew that it probably was untrue) to piss off someone in the public eye and attempt to influence other people negatively towards that person, you might have to spend some time in court with your lawyer and maybe Blanket Jackson tugging on your sleeve asking for a drink of milk. Watch out though: if the kid is lactose-intolerant and you don’t serve him soy moo, Joe Jackson will sue you for momentarily damaging the intestinal tract of his next big thing, causing the child to fart uncontrollably while attempting to learn to sing “Ben.”

Simorangkir could reasonably claim that Love’s allegations could make some folks turn away from her and her clothes in righteous disgust, impacting her career and earning ability. I say “reasonably claim” to a court of staid robe-bound judges, because no one in real life would care all that much if their awesome dress had a little life residue on in or put any weight whatsoever on the poorly spelled opinions of Courtney Love about absolutely anything. From the court complaint filed by Simorangkir:

"Love has publicized malicious and false statements that Simorangkir sold drugs, is a drug addict, has a history of dealing cocaine, has a history of assault and burglary, has a record of prostitution, has committed grand theft, that she stole cash and goods from Love, has engaged in felonious behavior, lied, embezzled money, has committed blackmail, was deemed an unfit parent, lost custody of her child, is a racist and homophobe, has outstanding warrants for her arrest, that Austin police confiscated Love's property from her home, and that she is a danger to society."

If I were the judge in this case I would find for Simorangkir and award her damages in the amount of the cost of one sundress from Wal-Mart, a year’s supply of Red Bull, and the cost of a Sunset Boulevard billboard rental with the image of Ms. Love and the words “NYAH NYAH, BITCH!” on it. Love could not countersue, because no reasonable person or even a judge could possibly believe that she is not, in fact, a bitch. Furthermore, I would provide Ms. Simorangkir with funds to use to obtain a therapist that could assist her in understanding why she chose to work with Ms. Love in the first place. I would also write in my judgment that Ms. Love’s mouth and fingers be duct-taped until such time as she can obtain a therapist to help her with impulse-control issues.

Finally, I would send Randy Jackson to the Fred Astaire School Of Dance and remand Blanket Jackson to my custody, wherein he would be given a haircut, a new name, and a nice slice of delicious Wisconsin cheese.