Is there anything more charming that a snowbound slushfest compounded by RAIN? Oh, yes, snow beneath me, rain peeing down on me from the very angels above, not even the bell ringers are out in this.

Seattle-ish-squish, Christmas Eve, 2008. I wait for ONE LAST UPS truck to come by with 50% of the gifts for tomorrow. It's 4PM. I haven't seen a truck all day. Sorry, kids, Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS this year, and it's nothing but socks, Tic-Tacs, and beef jerky for you all. Hey, beats Laura Ingalls Wilder's orange and a cornhusk doll. She was thrilled with that, all out on the prairie and such. Kids these days, they just don't appreciate a good piece of fruit.

A treacherous jaunt to the grocery store left me with a platter of deviled eggs that SOMEHOW got turned upside-down and now may end up as egg salad. I got a bottle of champagne to go with that. Mmm. Eggs and alcohol. Christmas-y.

I got the dog a great big nasty beef bone, and I am thinking the most amusing part of tomorrow morning will be watching her try to bury it in the snow. There was a beautiful black cat for adoption at the nice small pet food store who reminded me of my former beautiful black cat, Aja. This kitty was very friendly and very soft, and licked my hand and smiled at me. I asked for it, but Santa is a BITCH ASS MOFO and said no no no instead of ho ho ho. I suppose it is possible the dog would have attempted to bury the cat in the snow as well, I am not sure.

It's getting dark. Not even the slightest rumbling of a large brown truck.

Track your package

Date Time Location Event Details
December 24, 2008 08:23:00 AM REDMOND WA US Arrival Scan
December 23, 2008 06:29:00 PM REDMOND WA US Arrival Scan
December 23, 2008 02:27:00 PM PORTLAND OR US Departure Scan
December 20, 2008 02:42:00 PM SPARKS NV US Shipment received by carrier
December 20, 2008 12:53:08 PM US Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit

So close, yet so far. It's Christmas Eve, the driving sucks, and UPS workers have families to go home to as well, not spend the night delivering packages to me because I was lax in ordering them in a timely fashion.

It's OK. I did get a batch of those lovely sweet little Clementine oranges at the store today. I will tell the kids they are Atomic Awesome Nickelodeon-Brand oranges, and I will be a Christmas Hero, instead of Failed Mom Waiting For The Delivery Truck That Never Came.

Tiny Tim -- "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year"