PEOPLE LIKE LISTS: MY FAVORITE 15 ALBUMS & EPS OF 2016

I'll give it to ya straight, my friends...I've been staring down this list for days, not sure where to begin. In a year of exceptional sadness as 2016 was, I don't gravitate towards music. I withdraw from it, not wanting to infuse my greatest pleasure with heavyhearted memories. Despite this and despite everything, the music that makes life so much better rolls on and through, whispering in my weary ear, "We got you, sister. We're not going to let you down. We're here when you are ready." And that is how it is, and how it will always be.

This year was filled with wonderful new releases from artists young and old, fresh or seasoned a f. Here are my 15 favorites.



LIKE THERE WOULDN'T BE SOMETHING FROM TY SEGALL ON THIS LIST

Ty Segall: Emotional Mugger (Drag City)

I am pretty sure Ty has made my list every year since I've been making this end-of-year best, which means three things: 1. He's a perpetually busy guy; 2. He's a endlessly talented guy, and; 3. I have good taste. I think the general music press thinks of young master Ty as mainly a frenetic garage rocker, but that does him a disservice, even though I in particular think there is zero wrong with being a frenetic garage rocker. You can hear it in everything he does, if you listen -- he has strong ideas of what he wants to produce, a vision, even... some fever dream of a Vanilla Fudge record covered in a spilled sticky can of Coke, the record player needle covered in sugary dust, vibrating madly in the grooves. There's a complexity there, from lyrical themes to layers of sound, that deserves your attention.

I can say without doubt the tour behind this record was one of the weirdest shows I've ever seen, and it was brilliant. Damn, if you're not on the Ty train by now, toot toot, get ON already.




LOS TWEEDY

Wilco: Schmilco (dBpm Records)

Spencer Tweedy: Geezer Love (self-released)

Speaking of prolific sorts, we have the father-and-son dynamic duo of Jeff and Spencer Tweedy. These guys made my last year's list with their album "Sukierae" under the name of TWEEDY, a rather Captain Obvious choice of band name, but I digress. This year, Father went back to his day job with Wilco and came up with "Schmilco," an aching little sweetheart of a record, Wilco at their warmest. Son went back to college and on his free time, wrote and recorded a 4-song EP, "Geezer Love," released on his 21st birthday, that sounds like a very gifted young man that's been paying very close attention for 21 years on to how to write, perform, and produce quality music, and then just does it as easily as normal college kids effortlessly barf Miller Lite on a foosball table. Kudos, you genetic wonders.





GEEZER LOVE

Iggy Pop: Pop Pop Depression (Loma Vista Records)

The Monkees: Good Times! (Rhino Records)

The Rolling Stones: Blue and Lonesome (Interscope)

David Bowie: Blackstar (Columbia Records)

This year, I taught my 11-year-old Newfoundland dog to balance a bone on her nose. Also this year, some of my other favorite olds surprised me with new tricks, or old tricks that were so old as to be new tricks again, or tricks that I won't be able to fathom in ten lifetimes. More power to ye, merry gentlemen.

It's been a great Iggy year: the "Gimme Danger" Stooges documentary, finding out about Iggy's pet bird Biggy Pop on Instagram, the release of "Post Pop Depression," and getting to see the album performed live at Seattle's Paramount Theater. "Post Pop Depression" teams alt-superstars Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age, Matt Helders from Arctic Monkeys, and the Dead Weather's Dean Fertita with the Ig, resulting in a lush, confident, thoughtful pre-MTV Bowie funk. Not punk, but plenty tough. Iggy Pop for President, Every Year.



I'm sure I'm far from the last fan or critic to expect a new album from the three surviving Monkees (Michael Nesmith, Mickey Dolenz, and Peter Tork, RIP Davy Jones) to end up on this kind of list. But "Good Times!" is such a wonderful surprise, varied and so solid throughout, with contributions from songwriters like Andy Partridge of XTC and Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie. The supporting 50th Anniversary Tour was a similar delight, and had me re-appreciating the Pre-Fab Four, who had the stone-cold balls to become a real band in the face of very determined opposition.



Nor did I AT ALL expect the latest release from the Rolling Stones to wow me. I am a giant Stones fan and have been since my earliest days, but let's be honest: they've been writing the same-sounding material for a verrrrrry long time now, autopilot recording artists. All musicians, should they last so long, face this problem. How does a band remain innovative, fresh, interesting, and cool? For the Stones, the answer in 2016 was in rehearsals for their extensive tours. When they started warming up by playing some of the old blues that was the foundation of the band in 1962, ears perked up and tape started rolling. It is so much FUN to hear the band having FUN with the music they love most of all.



I haven't been able to listen to David Bowie's "Blackstar" more than a few times. Its themes of violence and mortality are so emotionally provocative in light of his death this year that I can only absorb it in small doses and end up crying every time. I am utterly awestruck that he was able to write and complete this complex, difficult work when terminally ill. How? How?? Stronger, better, smarter, braver, and more talented than us all, now and forever.



WHY I LIVE IN SEATTLE

Acapulco Lips: S/T (Killroom Records)

Gazebos: Die Alone (Hardly Art)

Happy Times Sad Times: New Album (Jigsaw Records/Den Tapes) 

Steal Shit Do Drugs: S/T (Annibale Records)

Anyone who loves music would live happily in Seattle forever. There is what seems to be an endless supply of amazing new music, great live shows every night of the week, and an artistic community that is generous and supportive. Now we just have to do something about the cripplingly high housing costs and that pesky rain. Nah, scratch that last thought -- the rain might save us from the constant hellfires that will consume our planet soon enough! Cheers! Anyway, here are some of my favorites that just so fortunately happen to be in my Pac NW vicinity.

Something I really appreciate about Acapulco Lips is they appreciate VINTAGE SOUNDS. I am highly fussy about authenticity when it comes to this topic, and this band always gets it so right. Walk right back to 1966 with a little surf style, girl group sweetness, and frug-dancin' garage beat. YEAH!



I fully expect Gazebos to take over the world someday. Until then, we have "Die Alone," which I think just hints at what they can musically accomplish with such talented people on board. They don't sound like anyone else, don't look like anyone else, vocal power for days, and hooks that worm into your brain so bad you might need to see the doctor.



There is just something about Happy Times Sad Times that turns me into a slobbering, head-banging nut, which happens with only select bands like the Gories, whom I revere. If you can turn this battered middle-aged music fan into a 16-year-old pogo princess, you've got POWER. HTST not only rocks out, though -- downtempo songs are just as compelling. This band deserves a lot more attention in Seattle -- get 'em on the bill, Capitol Hill!

Extra-mega-special thank you to the band for featuring my daughter Cameron's art (tiny practice drawings of mouths that I found in her garbage can!) on the cover of "New Album!"




I'm a yuuuuge fan of Steal Shit Do Drugs and was highly damn stoked when their self-titled full-length album arrived on my porch all the way from Italy just a few weeks ago. I'm just as stoked that they will be doing their first European tour in the early part of 2017 and may hide myself in a drum case just to go along. This is the sound of modern punk music. Get it.



DELIGHTFUL ODDBALLS WHOM I LOVE

Jacuzzi Boys: Ping Pong (Mag Mag Records)

Tim Presley: The Wink (Drag City Records)

Puberty: S/T (Born Bad Records)

I played these three albums the most this year, which is not a huge surprise to anyone who keeps track of my favorites, which I believe is only me, but you never know. Each artist raised their personal bar here, and that's exciting for me, and maybe them, and maybe you reading this. I'd be personally very pleased if you purchased these for yourself, not me, because I already own them, and not them because they are busy. Thank you.

My Miami sweethearts Jacuzzi Boys make records that make me smile. I always feel better after listening to them. I think "Ping Pong" is their best album yet, with shining, strong, split-stereo production, tight performances, and great songs throughout. My dream is for them to have their own animated Saturday morning cartoon show. I AM NOT KIDDING.



Tim Presley, like his friend Ty Segall, also makes my list every time he puts out a record because I love every record he makes. Stepping out from the White Fence moniker, plain ol' Mr. Tim on "The Wink" also steps away from his own multi-layered home production and into the studio with producer Cate Le Bon. Le Bon's instincts prove perfect, as we have superb, clean sound and crystal clear vocals, while the arrangements and instrumentation remain familiarly weird and a bit more sparse, to good effect. This is the kind of record that bears repeated listening, for you will hear it differently each time, sonic details popping here and there, lyrics veering from opaque and obscure to stunningly direct.

Why does Presley sing with a muted British accent? The world may never know.



If you think Puberty sounds a lot, I mean A LOT, like my favorite post-punk performers, The Intelligence, OH GUESS WHAT? That's because Puberty is a Lars Finberg project, and the band is loaded with current and former members of The Intelligence! Aren't you glad to know this? It pains my little heart that more people haven't heard this record, because it is fantastic. Born out of "Trainwreck," a crazy monthly performance event at The Orient Express karaoke in Seattle, it took years to reunite the Puberty band to make this album, and another year before it was released. Finberg doubles his vocal lines with Susanna Welbourne (better-known internationally as burlesque star Kitten LaRue), wrote all the songs, but sits out on playing. Oh, but these songs are SO LARS. Grim, funny, spooky, strange, and charming, it may not be for everybody, but I will never stop insisting that it SHOULD BE. Make 2017 Semi-Tolerable Again and buy this album.

I made this video a couple nights ago and am proud of several edit points. Check out the wicked guitar work on this by Dave Hernandez!



THE FUTURE IS FEMALE

Tacocat: Lost Time (Hardly Art)

It's a genuine thrill to see Tacocat gain popularity this year with the excellent "Lost Time," although that means more time on the road away from Seattle. We miss them when they are gone, because the three women and one man who make up Tacocat bring so much to our town. They are musicians, artists, DJs, writers, hosts of fun creative events, and light up the town with ever-changing hair and clothes and makeup. Most importantly, they are advocates for those who are in need -- our homeless population, PoC, the LGTBQ community, reproductive rights organizations, and more.

You can hear this advocacy on "Lost Time" but it never comes across as preachy or trite. Instead, there is a sly humor and head-bopping pop punk that delivers messages with hilarious accuracy and an awful lot of fun.

Because this was exactly what was needed in 2016, and brought me smiles and strength, "Lost Time" is my album of the year.

 

I MADE YOU SOME CHRISTMAS CARDS (2016)

(Click to enlarge, please to enjoy.)


PHOTOS & REVIEW: TACOCAT, BOYFRIENDS, DANCER AND PRANCER, & CONNIE AND THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS @ SHOWBOX, SEATTLE, WA. 12/15/16

If calendar years were actual humans, it is sure that the Rapidly-Aging Jerk 2016 would be getting a hefty sleighful of filthy hunks of planet-destroying coal from Santa. This is why we so needed a chance to put on our holiday spangles and get together last Thursday night at Seattle's Showbox Market with local awesome musical combos Connie and the Precious Moments, Dancer and Prancer, Boyfriends, and Tacocat. If, just for a night, we could set aside our past, present, and future Scroogescapes and celebrate with our funky, punky community, inclusive and crazy and fun and kind, it would be a little seasonal magic to soothe our worried minds, yes? Well, yes! I wore my $5.00 kittens-in-Santa-hats leggings and took some photos for you, and had the best time doing so. Please to enjoy! (Click on the photos to enlarge in glorious detail and click on each Flickr link for more!)

"GALLMART" 2016 POST-ELECTION HOLIDAY SHOPPING FLYER!

(Click to enlarge for DEALS, TREMENDOUS, TREMENDOUS DEALS!)


I MADE YOU A CHILDREN'S BOOK NOT FOR CHILDREN: "DONNIE J. AND THE DEMOCRACY TURKEY" (NSFW)

(Click the pages to enlarge.)


PHOTOS: JACUZZI BOYS, BOYFRIENDS, & STALLION @ CHOP SUEY, SEATTLE, WA. 10/20/16

People of the sodden gray Pacific Northwest, rejoice! Miami's sun punks Jacuzzi Boys have returned after a three-year absence to beam their sonic goodness upon us. Tonight's show (October 22) gifts Vancouver, B.C. (@ The Cobalt), and October 23 will find them back in Portland at Mississippi Studios, so if you are in the area whatsoever, drink up another double latte and scoot yourself over to one of the shows! Make SURE to pick up their super-fine new album "Ping Pong" on their very own Mag Mag Records. Listen NOW to "Boys Like Blood" on Soundcloud!



PHOTOS & REVIEW: MACEFIELD MUSIC FESTIVAL, SEATTLE, WA. 10/1/16 W. REIGNING SOUND, SELENE VIGIL, WILD POWWERS, WIMPS, GAZEBOS, BOYFRIENDS, & STALLION

As I sit here contemplating the imminent arrival of the worst windstorm to hit the PacNW in 50+ years, I think, MAN, I HATE FALL, and then I think OH WAIT, I can't hate ALL FALL because fall is when we are gifted with the weekend of glorious entertainment that is the Macefield Music Festival! Located in the Ballard 'hood in NW Seattle and run by some of the swellest cats in town, Macefield's lineup really hit it out of the park this year -- an eclectic mix of some of the most interesting local and touring acts around (including a comedy stage), spread out over three days and five venues. I was so very excited about Day Two's lineup at the Tractor Tavern that I stood in one spot in front the of stage for seven-and-a-half hours as to not lose my prime photo-shooting and music-enjoying place, much in the spirit of festival namesake Edith Macefield, who steadfastly refused to sell her tiny Ballard house to developers. She stood her ground and kept her house; I stood my ground and got you some pictures. This is how we do, in our tiny ways. Please to enjoy!

(Click on the photos to enlarge and click on the Flickr set links for more!)


PHOTOS: A BENEFIT FOR JIM ANDERSON W. THE SONICS, GIRL TROUBLE, THE BOSS MARTIANS @ SLIM'S LAST CHANCE, SEATTLE, WA. 8/7/16

I frequently reflect on the very good luck that I am a small part of one of the best music communities in the world. I don't hesitate for a moment to claim that Seattle is not only bursting with excellent bands, but fosters a climate of mutual artistic support and acceptance. This support remarkably and graciously extends to the visual artists who make rad gig posters or album covers, music photographers (like me), and sound men like Jim Anderson. Jim began working in Seattle in 1981, spending many years as the in-house audio guy at the Crocodile. He quickly became known for his dedication to excellence as well as his kindness to all, touring pros or absolute beginners.

When Jim fell ill with liver cancer earlier this year, Seattle rallied to help him, including a benefit show by Northwest garage rock legends The Sonics, Girl Trouble, and The Boss Martians at Slim's Last Chance in Georgetown. Jim being Jim, he worked his own benefit show, and of course, it sounded fantastic. I was so happy to be there to help contribute and document the night. If you would like to send a few bucks Jim's way and learn more about what a cool guy he is, please visit the GoFundMe page that has been set up for him. Keep rockin', Jim, you are loved.

(Click on the photos to enlarge and click on the Flickr links for more)


VIDEOS & REVIEW: THE MONKEES 50TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR, MOORE THEATER, SEATTLE, WA. 9/25/16 (FEATURING BEN GIBBARD OF DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE)!

True life story: I was a very devoted tiny fan of "The Monkees" TV show, and never missed an episode. When NBC cancelled the series in the spring of 1968, I was crushed, and decided to join in the protest letter-writing campaign suggested by 16 Magazine at the time. My problem was that while I was an excellent reader, I could not yet write much more than my own name, so I dictated my heartfelt missive to my older brother, who wrote down my pleas that the network must save the show! Sadly, NBC ignored the wishes of an almost-six-year-old girl and axed it anyway, dammit. It felt like it was over so quickly.

Another true life story: If you had told me then that in the fall of 2016, at the age of 54 that I would be seeing The Monkees in concert for the first time, singing along to all the songs I learned from the show 50 years previously, I doubt I could have even comprehended that, much less believed it. In the brief time the band was active, they made a real impact and a real difference. TAKE THAT, NBC!

The Monkees 50th Anniversary Tour indeed came to Seattle's Moore Theater last night, and I had near-perfect seats to enjoy a most entertaining evening. The mood was sweet and fun, with original members Micky Dolenz and Peter Tork in very fine voice, interacting playfully with the crowd. Mike Nesmith sat this one out, working on his autobiography, and of course Davy Jones, who died several years ago, was missed. Footage from the old TV series kept Mike and Davy integrated into the show, with Davy virtually singing a few lines at times assisted by the "Way Back Machine."

It was all a little dream-like, really -- lyrics forming on my lips, singing along to songs I didn't remember I knew but I surely did, seeing the backdrop playing scenes of The Monkees as young men goofing around as they did on the show, playing with tow-headed little California kids during a clip "Saturday's Child" that would now in 2016 look like me, middle-aged and heading senior. How really lovely it was to be there, connecting to days past.

BUT! This was not a nostalgia wallow, no, no, and no! Listen up: The Monkees this year released "Good Times!," an album you need to own, as it's one of the very best releases of 2016. It is absolutely delightful, bursting with extremely good songs, written by such diverse hepcats as Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, Harry Nilsson, Noel Gallagher and Paul Weller, Boyce & Hart, XTC's Andy Partridge, and beloved local Ben Gibbard of Death Cab For Cutie. OH, SPEAKING OF THAT LAST GUY, he turned up onstage last night, along with some sweet ladies doing a line dance! I got these things on video for you, so please to enjoy! Please also to pay special attention to the first song on the first video, "Me & Magdalena," written by Gibbard for "Good Times!" and the standout performance of the night with stellar vocals from Dolenz.


POEM & PHOTOS: "DOUBLE EXPOSURE" BY AJ DENT

(I am honored today to be able to feature the beautiful creative work of AJ Dent, a writer/photographer who hails from the Upper Midwest, as I do, and ended up in Seattle, like I did. Please to enjoy. - Marianne)

Since June of this year, I have been living in my homeland of north central Minnesota. These past three months mark the longest I have stayed here in over six years, having fallen face-first in love with Seattle. Though I knew I’d miss the Emerald City, and enjoy reconnecting with nature here, I wasn’t ready for the gut-punch of being homesick for both places at once -- especially while trying to decide if I should move somewhere new yet again this fall. This poem is dedicated to both my raft of ducks out in Seattle right now, and to the Land of Lakes explorers who have taken me under their wing this summer. -- AJ

Double Exposure

This summer demanded to meet me
in the population: 3,000 town
where I was born. For tea. To tell me
to grind myself with dirty wheels,
dirty windshields, dirty boots and
dirty fingernails again
for four grass-stained months.
This season was my first love;
I couldn't resist the rendezvous.
​​
But Minnesota moves as if a garter snake,
​eyes spiraling like Northern Lights.
Sill Lake hypnotizes my lens.
Whitetails are snort-wheezing
You can never leave again.
Red pines replace skyscrapers and muskies
make the newspaper. Lady’s slippers whisper
What is this supposed West Coast matter
to which you must tend? I admit it dims
as fireflies spin and meteor streaks grin.





















25 MORE EXCELLENT ODDITIES FROM WISCONSIN AND WASHINGTON THRIFT STORES!

OH YES, it's that time again when I share with you the strange old crap I find on my thrift excursions! As long as there are people, there will be these things, and as long as there is me, I will keep showing them to you. Click on the photos to enlarge, and please to enjoy!

Surely this children's activity must've coincided with the popular TV appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show of Señor Wences, but honestly. "hours of play and fun?" We weren't THAT bored.




PHOTOS, VIDEOS, & REVIEW: PIZZA FEST 7, DAY THREE, EL CORAZON/FUNHOUSE, SEATTLE, WA. 8/6/16 (W. PERSONAL & THE PIZZAS, BREAD AND BUTTER, THE TRASHIES, ROCK AND ROLL ADVENTURE KIDS, STALLION, VHS, GEM, TALK SICK BRATS, & THE PIZZA EATING CONTEST!

Here we are at last, you damn punks, at the third and final day of Pizza Fest 7 coverage! After rocking out very, very hard on Day One and Day Two, those hardy souls who make it to Day Three were heartily rewarded with more incredible performances by beloved locals and national touring fiends/friends, and the infamous and highly-anticipated Pizza Eating Contest! That we all survived the Pizza Eating Contest, even as viewers, is something to be commended. Anyway, hold on to your pepperoni-pep-pep-perroni and let's GO! (Remember, kids, click on the photos to see them in their enlarged full glory, and click on the Flickr set links for that and more!)




PHOTOS, VIDEOS, & REVIEW: PIZZA FEST 7, DAY TWO, EL CORAZON/FUNHOUSE, SEATTLE, WA. 8/5/16 (W. SASHAY, GOLDEN PELICANS, SEX CRIME, SSDD, LIFE STINKS, MANIAC, OMNI, VIOLENCE CREEPS, & NIGHT BOSS)

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!!! Do you hear that?? That's the FIRE ALARM warning you that HOT HOT HOT coverage is coming forthwith from Day Two of Seattle' very own punk pizza party, Pizza Fest 7! Spray yourself with fire retardant and read on as we bravely dive back into the El Corazon and Funhouse after the shenanigans of Day One! (Click on the photos to enlarge or click on the Flickr links for more!)

There was no better choice to open Day Two than our friends, Night Boss, who improvised pizza-themed stagewear to stunning effect. Gentle melodicist Dan Enders went the extra mile and turned himself into a pizza-fixings canvas by the end of their set. Pancake Party, pizza party, all good.

Night Boss, Pizza Fest 7, Funhouse, Seattle, WA. 8/5/16 Flickr set





PHOTOS, VIDEOS, & REVIEW: PIZZA FEST 7, DAY ONE, FUNHOUSE, SEATTLE, WA. 8/4/16 (W. BOYFRIENDS, PISS TEST, HAIR POLICE, TOPLESS, THE CRUSH, & EX LICKS)

Oh, the glories that are a summer in Seattle: blue skies, sunshine on sparkling water, and PIZZA FEST!! Yes, Pizza Fest, that annual event that dares to ask the question: What happens when you combine some of the finest local and national punk/noise/garage/powpop/no wave bands around with delicious Sizzle Pie PIZZA for three days? If you'd like to find out, READ ON, starting NOW with Pizza Fest 7's Day One all-local lineup at the Funhouse. Please to enjoy, ya filthy animals!

(As always, click on the photos to enlarge, and click on the Flickr set links for more!)


SORRY NOT SORRY: YES, I WILL JUDGE YOU IF YOU VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP

Like a good citizen, I dutifully watched every prime-time minute of both the Republican and Democratic National Conventions these past two weeks, and many more hours of pre-prime and various network commentary. I take my role as a voter seriously, and this year, I'm not just serious: I'm dead serious. So are other folks. The glut of horrified, hand-wringing articles from every form and faction of media have battered us all like word tornadoes. Election years are doozies, we know, and emotions run high. But the stakes have never been this high. I've seen 50+ years of American politics, friends (and not friends), and Houston (and everywhere else), we have a problem.

You know what it is. Oh, you know, even if you are willing to put every shred of your own humanity aside to ignore it. But you know the problem, and you might even know the gravity of it.

You know what a truly bad person is. You know what they do and don't do. You know from your own life experience, you know from the values you got from your parents or religious upbringing or just the good old "Golden Rule." You know the kind of person who seems to have no limit to the amount of cruelty they dish out, and you do everything you can to make sure this person isn't your boss, or your "friend," or your spouse. When you've encountered a truly bad person, you speak in hushed tones as to not draw attention to yourself and his or her ire, or you are pushed to fury into a fight you never win, because you have a filter, a stopping point. You know better than to engage someone like that, right?

But maybe not. What has it cost you, when you've put your trust in a sociopath? Did you lose your job? Get a divorce? Go to jail? Or did it just embitter you? Did you follow the rules and get shafted anyway? Did you believe, and get that belief shredded into dust? Did you get left behind while a lot of people you think didn't deserve anything made some gains?

And then...did you do it again? Because we are taught to follow leaders, taught to honor "strength," did you go right ahead and trust a truly bad person again, even though all your experience and your gut told you not to? Did you allow fear to make your choices for you again?

None of us are perfect. We all have, at times, put our faith into people who have betrayed us. The best we can do is learn from that and decide how to proceed differently in the future. The worst we can do is repeat the same mistakes with where we put our lot...or allow the bitterness, cruelty, fear, and ignorance to spread inside us like a cancer, until the day comes when we ourselves are truly bad people.

We face a presidential election which has confounded most of the world. WHY, they say, HOW? We know why and how; it was a trainwreck some saw coming down the track decades ago. We aren't getting the principled elder with an unparalleled track record of political integrity. Nope. We are getting a career politician with some excellent qualities and some not-so-great, and...a truly bad person. This should be, for anyone who is clear-headed, adult, informed, and reasonable, a slam-dunk choice in November.

But it is not, pollsters tell us. And I swear, if you vote for goddamned Donald Trump, I will judge you. I will judge you all the rest of your days, even if we grew up together, are family, or have other redeeming qualities as a human being. I will judge you for saddling me and my family with the single worst presidential candidate our country has ever seen, on every single objective measure anyone could imagine, and a danger to our nation and our world's safety and survival.

I will absolutely go right ahead and assume you are A-OK with blatant bigotry and racism, hate speech, misogyny, disrespect of grieving military families, the disabled, the poor, and anyone who dares stand up to bad people. I'll know you feel good about short-tempered billionaires who cannot control their mouths nor actions no matter what, even claiming he could shoot someone dead and his dedicated followers would still love him. I'll expect that you are fine with thinking a businessman who has shafted countless people and provoked large, ugly lawsuits is the kind of man you like to represent you. I'll know you are totally cool with someone lying more far more than any candidate in United States history has, right to your face, over and over, because he knows all he has to do is justify the worst feelings inside you that you just can't cope with.

And if you even whisper the words, "Bengazi" or "emails" to me, I will send you off to read Politifact and come back with the stench of decades of Fox News washed off you. There is only one competent human being that can run the country in this election. One. Any third-party candidate does NOTHING but pull votes away from the one competent candidate who can win and strengthens the truly bad person's chances of winning. Please re-read that sentence until you understand that it is a fact in the numbers game. The electoral college doesn't give a rat's ass about your principled alt vote, so you might as well start wearing your "Make America Great Again" hat, Greens and Independents and Libertarians. That will be your reality, so get cozy with it now, and all that it means.

My guy didn't get his chance. So now I will vote for Clinton. Judge me all day long for supporting her faults, for following Bernie Sanders lead, for having the audacity to question your character for not doing the same. I love my country, and it won't survive a Trump presidency. I would be a lousy citizen, a lousy mother, and a lousy person if I didn't do everything I could to stop a nightmare from happening. All I have is my vote, and yes, the ability to write another horrified, hand-wringing article.

The things that threaten world stability the most aren't ISIS and whatever brown-skinned people you think are ruining everything. It's income inequality, educational inequality, and the horror of climate change. Don't take my word for it; it's in every accounting of human history there is, from every credible scientist and scholar, people who have dedicated their lives to study and critical analysis. Look at the big picture. If you want a fully radicalized world, drowning in salt water, vote Trump.

And yes, I know you don't care. We all know. It's damn sure Trump knows. Do what you're going to do. Let your god sort you out.