Here we are at last, you damn punks, at the third and final day of Pizza Fest 7 coverage! After rocking out very, very hard on Day One and Day Two, those hardy souls who make it to Day Three were heartily rewarded with more incredible performances by beloved locals and national touring fiends/friends, and the infamous and highly-anticipated Pizza Eating Contest! That we all survived the Pizza Eating Contest, even as viewers, is something to be commended. Anyway, hold on to your pepperoni-pep-pep-perroni and let's GO! (Remember, kids, click on the photos to see them in their enlarged full glory, and click on the Flickr set links for that and more!)

Day Three's openers at the Funhouse, Talk Sick Brats, came all the way from Houston, Texas and did not mess around. They got right to it, and offered up a fast n' furious 30 minutes of trash, thrash, and smash that started things off just right. I liked that the drummer got up off his throne after every song and walked around a little, like he was so amped/exhausted from playing so hard he had no more to give. But he did!

Talk Sick Brats, Pizza Fest 7, Funhouse, Seattle, WA. 8/6/16 Flickr set

Shifting gears at the El Corazon, Los Angeles' Gem offered up alt power pop with hooks for days, and the sugar-sweet vocals of lead vocalist Ash.

Local band of buzz VHS (Violent Human System) changed the mood up again, with a churning, furious set that felt like you were straddling railroad tracks with a freight train barreling straight for you, the force felt through your feet and legs in a relentless rhythm that was alternatively fascinating and foreboding. Guitarist Morgan shall make an important appearance further down on this page, please note.

I was MOST excited to see the WORLD CHAMPION EXCITEMENT of Stallion on the El Corazon stage next. Very possibly the universe's best and only retro-pro-wrestling garage rock band, Stallion is an absolute blast, and has the songs to back up any challenge from any rock n' roll CHUMPS trying to take their title!

Stallion survived shocking, vicious chair shots from Personal and the Pizzas to sell sweet-ass t-shirts by the merch table.

With barely a moment to catch my breath up from that excitement, it was back over to the Funhouse stage to see Oakland's Rock and Roll Adventure Kids' manic psychobilly, honoring the original rock n' roll complete damn nutcases from the 1950s that made music so fun, while scaring the living crap out of 'Merica. Imagine a chicken coop in a tornado.

As you might guess, The Trashies were not a placid Americana group emoting about flaxen-haired distant girlfriends or other existential musings. No, not at all. The Trashies were there to be trashy and stanky and dumb, which is way, way, way, way better. Way.

Seattle's Bread and Butter charmed the crowd, which you wouldn't think you be a thing at a punk festival but it WAS, with their impeccable classic '70s-style pop rock: well-crafted songs, sunny harmonies, and singalong melodies.

And rolling up to the midnight hour...IT WAS TIME. Yes, it was time for the annual Pizza Fest Pizza Eating Contest! You may think you've seen some eating contests. You may think you seen some crazy things in your life. Please combine the most appalling, guffaw-inducing eating contest you've ever seen with the rowdiest punk show you've been to and you might have an idea of what this was like.

The six brave/insane souls who volunteered themselves to this event agreed to attempt to eat an entire 17" Sizzle Pie cheese pizza in 10 minutes or under, first one done wins the contest. This seems straightforward, right? NAH. Please add in copious amounts of beer priming, a crowd circling the table screaming and shouting their guts out with chants of "PIZ-ZA! PIZ-ZA PIZ-ZA," and multiple colorful expletives hurled as well. Did a certain photographer, with a gleeful smile, yell, "EAT THAT F-ING PIZZA! EAT IT! EAT IT NOW!"? Maaaaaaaybe.

Any semi-decorum amongst the contestants devolved quickly, as pizza slices were made into hats, shoved into competitors' faces, and very nearly vomited onto the table. A minor fist-fight broke out, and several cans of cold Pabst were poured over the hapless eaters to distract them from their relentless pursuit.

Closing in on the 10 minute deadline, the aforementioned Morgan from VHS shoved the last slices of his pizza into his mouth and was declared the winner, the crowd cheering and standing back a bit, because he looked like he was going to do a Mr. Creosote at any second. After crashing into the table, his valiant bandmates carried him to the stage to receive his trophy. After doing so, he fell down and was removed to celebrate further with some fresh air. 

The brave staff then cleaned the soggy pizza remnants from the floor in preparation for the final band of the evening. 

Then came the honored returning headliners of the entire three-day Pizza Fest 7, Personal and the Pizzas? Who could be more perfect, right? The trash-talking trio alternatively thanked and berated the die-hard audience members who probably were planning to sleep in Sunday and Monday, and maybe the rest of the week, too. There was no other way we'd like it. 

We left the El Corazon and Funhouse exhausted, sweaty, sore, and exhilarated.

A million billion thanks to everyone at the Funhouse and El Corazon, best DJ Ryan, Brian Foss, Jen Knight, Ben Redder, Kitty Page, Pete Capponi, and each and every band who made Pizza Fest 7 an unforgettable, crazy, wonderful three days.