Getting closer to bringing you the last installment of the Bruise Cruise 2012 reportage, but it ain't gonna be today as I am slowed by this ongoing mighty cough that is whipping my ass but good. We might as well all get something good out of my illness, though, so how about we watch some very odd foreign and domestic cough remedy commercials?

I love how this commercial GETS how I feel. It's JUST LIKE having human-faced chickens in my chest!

Um. Well, I hope THIZZ is real and that it really looks like that and also that I never, ever have to taste it. I like Godzilla, though.

What does this fancy lady coughing on a couch and then submersing herself in a lake have to do with anything? Nothing, because this is a Japanese commercial.

I think the translation here is, "I am actually 32 years old, but dress like a schoolgirl. Do you like my pig? Cough!" It's also Chinese.

This Smith Brothers ad is American, but DESERVES to be Japanese.

Is there any doubt whatsoever that Australia's Y-Cough was nothing but straight bourbon, and the room freshener thing was solely to rid the room of the alcohol smell? Mother's Little Helper!

In which Malaysian child mango-stealers redeem themselves by helping the old man they are robbing to get some cough syrup.

And finally, this Thai ad for Strepsils, where the protagonist gets relief, only to spew his germs through his horn at the audience. Ahhhh..