It's possible I might have watched this on TV at the time, 1975. If so, thankfully my memory banks have erased the evidence, because this is a sound and vision that no one should have had to endure. Courtesy the endless heaven-and-hell that is YouTube, I bring you the singular horror of possibly the worst pop medley duo of all time: David Bowie and goose-voiced fake Native American, Cher.

Oh my GOD. Listen to that slimy TV disco house band play Bowie's "Young Americans," THEN IT GOES INTO "SONG SUNG BLUE," then "ONE," then "DA DOO RUN RUN," THEN -- THEN!!!!!!! -- with a horrible screech from Cher, "WEDDING BELL BLUES." It goes on and on and on and on and on. Cher sounds like a dying Oldsmobile, and when she and Bowie do "The Bump" and it limps back into "Young Americans," we all lose a piece of our souls and colons.

Why, Bowie, why? Did you owe some sleazy Hollywood producer a favor? Were you hoping to score Cher's wig? This is pre-overarching-camp days, so you can't claim that. No. I call you out, sir, because I believe that down in your little starman heart, YOU LIKED SINGING AN INCOMPREHENSIBLE SELECTION OF TURGID POP, WITH NO PARTICULAR GRACE, FLOW, MEANING, OR ENTERTAINMENT VALUE. I also believe that your voice is based primarily on the vocal stylings of Anthony Newley, so there's that evidence as well.

I demand reparations for the damage this has caused me. Send me the wig and your new book and perhaps someday, I may heal.