I'm a restrained person, I think. I am polite and kind and reasonable almost all the time, most notably in public with strangers. Strangers love me. But very occasionally...things happen and I lose my dignified comportment.

Shopping at TJ Maxx today, it was one HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE bland pop song after another over the store PA. You know the kind I mean, like they aren't even made for people who like and listen to music, just for elevators and waiting rooms. Love songs for robots or people who enjoy the Gosselin Family or, well, god I don't know. Anyway, I was rifling through some jeans and this song by snaggle-toothed warbler JEWEL is playing...

I couldn't escape. I had a cart full of stuff. It KEPT GOING ON AND ON AND ON. The pressure was building. HOW DID THIS EVER GET MADE? AN OFF KEY BULLFROG IS IN HER THROAT. SOMEONE SAVE HER. SAVE US.

As I held up a pair of jeans to look at, Jewel's song broke my mind. My review of her tune just flew out of my mouth, and kind of loud too:


Behind me, an older woman whom I previously did not notice, spoke with great sincerity:

"It's so hard to find a good pair of jeans!"

Sheepishly, I nodded, and put the jeans back on the rack. Stupid Jewel.