My survey today of DSW Shoe Warehouse:

1. Too friggin' high
2. Too flat.
3. Not enough arch support.
4. Butt ugly.
5. Why, God, why?
6. Quirky and overly cute.
7. Dull enough for the dead.
8. Looked like a flattened rat.
9. Ho shoes.
10. Would give me a heel blister within an hour.
11. How, really, can anyone walk in those? What if you were being chased by a dog or a Jehovah's Witness?
12. Damn, nice skinny mirrors they have here, though, I look great! -Ish!
13. I need a pedicure.
14. There's a reason most of these are discounted.
15. All the guys are sitting bored on a couch except for the Mexican guy, who is helping his girlfriend pick out the highest ho shoes. This is too much information for me.
16. Why are the staff asking me if I need help? All the stock is sitting right there. They aren't going to pull the box out and put the shoes on my feet. Perhaps they would buy the shoes for me? Bah.
17. Does every shoe have an owner who will love it? Or are there shoes that go unloved and unwanted? Do they go to the Island of Unwanted Footwear?
18. I don't like toe cleavage shoes.
19. I don't think I can get away with wearing slippers outside. Too old. Alzheimer's look for me.
20. I am picky.

Didn't buy anything.