I don't know about you, but me, I truly enjoy a good, creative insult. Sure, everyday profanity works well and is vigorous and spewy and easily accessed. But I love it most when someone delivers a cutting remark that is so bizarre or so clever that it lights my brain up like...well, like HAL 9000 or something, because I am pretty vintage.

Today, I decided to challenge myself by seeing if I could, with absolutely no thinking about it or crafting or mulling, come up with ten delightful, complex, and unique insults, using no profanity. I wrote down the numbers 1-10, then just typed out the first ten insults that popped into my head. Please to enjoy!

1. "Mouse-hipped Legionnaire licker"

2. "Crusty odiferous tree partier"

3. "Calcified enema-enjoyer"

4. "Red-faced diaper-wearing grandma pusher"

5. "Toilet dater"

6. "Maniacal pine-cone-pooping hippie"

7. "Giraffe-toting child-hater"

8. "Unintelligible truck-fornicating loser-pants"

9. "Underwear-eyed sewer sloth"

10. "Alligator-assed turd wrangler"

Try it yourself!