I kid you not -- when Mr21 brought this video to my attention today, my jaw dropped open in utter disbelief for the entire running time of six minutes, twenty-six seconds.

"GAWWWWWW," I exclaimed, "This CANNOT be REAL!"

"Yup," nodded Mr21, grinning.

"I gotta put this up!"


If there's any musical genre that provides us with unintentional humor, surely it is the over-the-top aggressive trashery of METAL. Bless those poor mullet-haired players of ugly-shaped guitars; they never change as the years go by, and neither does my horrified appreciation of their craft. We have something particularly special here in "They All Lie And Cheat" by ex-W.A.S.P. guitarist Chris Holmes and his CHP project, and for SO many reasons:

-- this song features Mr. Holmes in a "singing" capacity;

-- it is set against a wrinkled, askew green screen backdrop that is never utilized;

-- there is a digital drumset in the background with no drummer;

-- the first notes on Holmes' out-of-tune, sickly-phased electric guitar made me guffaw;

-- the backing of the song is yet another hacky metal ballad rewrite of hacky rewriters Guns n' Roses, Bon Jovi, and Poison;

-- jean vest as shirt, a slew of faded arm tats, ratty mullet, missing teeth;

-- graphics by 1985;

-- and the BEST WORST thing about it, the sour-faced pudgy "skank girlfriend" who steps in to lip sync her evil bitch spoken word drops, featuring potty-mouthed litanies including her promise to "drag your d*ck through the dirt" and sleep with "all of your friends."

Sheer. Brilliance. Please to enjoy!!!

Chris Holmes (CHP), "They All Lie And Cheat"