I really, really, really didn't like the '80s. After the torpid hippie disco bad facial hair sleazefest that was generally the '70s, as a newly-minted adult I was looking forward to a fresh start in music, fashion, and culture. But aside from a scant few bands and neon hair accessories, I got pile after pile of WEAK ASS New Wave bands with terrible Synsonics drums and yelping whiny vocalists, giant hairspray metal bands with stuffed crotch leather jeans, and Madonna writhing around on the ground like a dying flounder in cheap lace. There was nothing to do but wait it out until the '90s came around and things started to improve again.

At least I can be thankful that I was grown-ish in the '80s and not any younger and susceptible to the forces of Crap Culture. My deepest sympathies go out to the Children of the '80s...but not quite so much that I cannot make fun of them. Please to enjoy with me!

I do wonder what happened to these kids when they grew up. I will say no more.

80s Children Dancing to Madonna

Aw, jeez.

Emu's Pink Widmill Kids: Dance Electric

Even Vin Diesel. EVEN. This is not the strongest breakdancing I've seen. Nnnnnnope.

Oh dear lord, I had forgotten about Kids Incorporated. Michael Jackson inspired legions of terrible dancers.

Sigh. The '80s MTV-style-quick-cut was the death knell to the ATTENTION SPAN. Sorry, Teachers of the World.

Do The Locomotion

Yeah...nothing TOO CREEPY about a dancing Jordache Jeans commercial that does a close-up of a pre-pubescent girl's BUTT. *FACEPALM*

Call me Ms. Get Off My Lawn, GO AHEAD I DON'T CARE! But I think THIS was COOLER. PFFT. PFFT!

Kiddie-A-Go-Go, WCIU-TV, Chicago, 4/29/69