OH BOY. Look what I found!

Oh, yes, that's a big fat Montgomery Wards catalog from the HELLISH fashion year of 1979. I've said it a million times here, how the fashions of the '70s were nothing but sheer cruelty for me going from childhood into my swingin' teen years then. I HATED ALL OF IT. Where were the great designs -- sharp, mod, clean, cool -- of my formative '60s youth? Gone, daddy, GONE. If you weren't alive then or have since died and are now reading this from your iPhone in Hell, let me tell you...this stuff was complete SHIT. Dull and ugly, poorly made in polyester spun from nuclear run-off and fiberglass insulation remnants, this was ALL THAT WAS OUT THERE. There were no good-looking clothes to buy. I can remember very well thinking how BAD it was, on me and everyone else, and I wondered why this happened. There must be some kind of global economic answer. But maybe all the designers were just too burnt out on drugs and under a table at Studio 54 to care, and the blind took over.

In any case, I survived it and now can bring to you some of the horrible memories that haunt my life. You are welcome. There is so much rich comedy goodness to be found in this hefty book of paper fail that I will have to supply it in segments. Today, a few photos of the BOYS OF THE WARDS CATALOG 1979 (and a couple toddler girls).

Is it just me, or do these toddlers look like dwarves? Maybe it's the way they are standing and those giant heads.

Nice snowsuit, BABY. Who are you waving at -- John Wayne Gacy?

I'm not sayin' it. Nope. YOU say it. Not me. Nope. Nuh-uh.

Why, WHY, does a kindergartener need a Qiana shirt that says "DISCO" on it?

What every guy looked like at every school dance. One of the reasons I stopped going to them.

Hey Chachi, nice to see ya, thanks for stoppin' by.

And finally for today, The Jocks of '79. If you actually WERE one of these young male models, please write and tell me how you ever lived this down. I love you all.