Back this afternoon to the TJ Maxx, to look for some clothes for Couch Teen’s upcoming birthday, some new school pants for MissSeven, and some socks for my mom. It was unusually-busy for a Thursday afternoon, which irritated me slightly. GTFO of my store, ladies, make way. I gots me two hours to get through this store and I ain’t waiting for your carcass to amble down the aisle like TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE. I left kind of late because I got sucked into the whole kid-in-the-silver-balloon live feed from Colorado. As it turns out of course he was never in the balloon, which is good, but there’s some mighty mighty pissed off law enforcement folks roundabout Fort Collins, I betcha.

I found two Free People shirts but no go: one was the color of puke flecked with blue, like if you ate a pizza and blue M&M’s and threw up, and the other had long sleeves completely made out of with seemed like giant Greek fisherman netting. Even my favorite brand is not always perfect.

Scored a very soft Hurley flannel shirt for the bday boy, three pairs of jeans for MissSeven, no luck on the socks for mom. Jeebus Of Discount Shopping smiled upon me then, and led me to the cosmetics section where what do I see? A pile of AHAVA products waiting for my greedy hot little hands to scoop up their mineral-rich goodness. SCORE! Some other people are going to be blessed with the Dead Sea Salt Miracle for Christmas too…surprise! Try to forget that now, relatives.

And finally, let me take the time to praise Jeebus ODS further, as he brought upon me the Rite of The Divine 3% Spandex and 97% Cotton, making these size 7 brown cords fit beautifully, causing me to grin outrageously in the fitting room.

When I went to the checkout, I was talking with the older Iranian woman ringing me up when she realized that she had put the register roll in incorrectly. “OH JESUS!” she exclaimed, “Jesus! What next? Jesus!” This made me smile even wider and I gave myself a mental reminder to yell “AHHH! Mohammed!” the next time I stub my toe.

Good haul.