Today it was a pleasant sunny day, so after I spent an insane amount of money at the post office sending a package to London, I drove over to Starbucks and got some lunch. There is a large park nearby so I walked over and sat down at a wooden picnic table to eat, trying to up my "borderline low" Vitamin D with sunshine and an Iced Latte. Within seconds, a very large seagull swooped head on towards me. I was in no mood for gull shenanigans, and I gave him the dead-eye glare to let him know if he got close enough I would punch him in the damn beak. He swerved off to the right. I ate my tomato-basil-mozzarella sandwich as he perched about six feet away on the grass, glancing shiftily my way. I glanced back at him, sending out the message that he was getting none of my food, and he should f the f right off.

My attention was diverted by a close to 400-lb. waddling frizzy gray-haired grandma type and two tiny twin boys in her charge. The boys had giant heads, and I was amazed they didn't topple over on the sloped grass. "TONY! STOP," the grandma called after the larger twin, but he and his blue-Croc'ed tiny feet were long gone towards the playground. She would have zero chance of catching him if he decided to veer towards the road or something. The smaller twin stayed back, looking up at her like, "Well? You just gonna let him do that?" I again feel grateful for missing out on the wonder of twins. I am also grateful that I am not 400-lbs, wearing no bra in public with breasts like separated massive flounders. Holy hell.

Past the playground and quite a distance from me, I see a lone guy on the basketball court. He looks very fit and tanned, with no shirt and long dark blue basketball shorts, not too tall, maybe 5'10" or so. I can't really tell how old he is, maybe late 20s or early 30s, but he might've been some years either side of that too. He is taking his practice seriously, running lines up and down the court, then immediately picking up the basketball and setting up lay-ups, 3-pointers, jumping for rebounds with splayed Jordan jump legs. He's not the greatest shooter it seems, but I do admire his work ethic here as he sweats and never lets up.

I do not admire the seagull's work ethic, and finally stamp my foot and say "GO!" and wave abruptly in his direction. He flies off, finding a more likely source of nutrition from a table containing several messy children and dropped potato chips.

A strawberry-blond woman with a ponytail pushing a stroller with an toddler goes by me. She is also clearly very pregnant, with the basketball-type stomach going on. I wondered if she got close to the Basketball Dude if he would, in an exercise-induced frenzy, grab her by the tummy and try to dunk her.

I finish my sandwich and coffee and just sit for a minute, not at all wanting to walk back to go grocery shopping. The seagull takes one more swoop by me, sees I have nothing left of any value to him, and he f's right the f off.