4X4: MY FAVORITE PERSONAL PHOTOS OF 2010

My goodness. My computer tells me that I took over 10,000 images in 2010, not including the zillions I trashed. Apparently I like photography. I decided to go through my year's photos to bring you a few that I, without justification or hesitation, loved.

Some fun facts!:

-- Only two of them were taken with a DSLR, most with a couple of Canon point-n-shoots, and one with an iPhone.

-- They were taken in 4 different states.

-- None of them used flash.

-- My two front teeth have been broken off in accidents two times, although not at Christmastime and not repaired by Santa.

OK, that last one had nothing at all to do with photography, but it's seasonal.

Of course, I limited the amount of photos for this post pretty severely, because you have better things to do other than spend all day scrolling. In looking broadly at themes I seem to choose, I picked 4 categories -- Nature, Family, Other People, and Rock Stars -- and then picked my 4 favorite in each visual topic. Again, I just sort of went with my gut; some have technical merit, some are flawed, but they all made me smile. Please to enjoy.

THE SPECTACULAR BEAUTY OF THE NATURAL WORLD AROUND US, OR, LOOK AT THAT DAMN BIRD, MILDRED:

We get some really big spiders here in Washington State. Fortunately, I don't have a spider phobia or anything. This elegant one was hanging from a massive web just outside my home office window, bustin' a move from tree to tree. When I processed the photo with an "expired film" look, he became epic.

Alexandria, Virginia is a very cool historic town just outside of Washington, D.C. This was taken at the end of a very hot day at the end of the main drag, close to the Potomac River. I like the shiny streetlamps and cars and tourist buses, the silhouetted big tree, the long perspective line, and the blue-to-orange progression of the sunset. It also was taken on my birthday. Happy birthday to me.

Speaking of sunsets...here's one from summer in Wisconsin. I take zero credit for this one. It just looked like that and I pushed a button on my camera. This is currently my screensaver -- another fun fact for you there.

Doesn't Mr. Santa Monica Pier Pelican look just delighted to have his picture taken? I know he must be used to tourists and their annoying ways, but I also think he was thinking about taking my head off.  Go to Malibu and chill with Goldie Hawn or something, man.


PEOPLE LIKE CHILDREN, OR HELL, I'M AROUND THESE GUYS ALL THE TIME, MIGHT AS WELL SHOOT THEM:

At this circus-themed deli in Madison, Wisconsin, MissEight (then Seven) was bored waiting for her food to arrive. I was, too, so I took her picture. The reflection makes it, and the post-processing with the expired film filter and then saturating the color improved it. 

At the incredible Getty Center in Los Angeles, a complete visual feast inside and out. The wind lifting my daughter's hair as she goes outside to explore the grounds made for some unexpected movement in the picture.

The composition in setting the kids off to the right gives you a prettier view of Lake Washington and the city of Seattle behind them, but they still remain the focal point. Post-processing with the expired film filter plus pushing the highlights to the max gives it the unusual color and the glow effect around them.

One of the difficulties in taking family portraits is keeping your subjects relaxed and comfortable. People generally look artificial and stiff unless drunk or something. When CouchTeen spontaneously decided to pick up his sister after our Mother's Day brunch in Bellevue, WA., all the kids' real personalities came out for a split second. That's them, and that's the best you can hope to get.


THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO PHOTOGRAPH TOO, OR, STALKER PIX 2010:

These leggy studies both came from the same event, the canceled Vampire Weekend show at Marymoor Park in Redmond, WA. As I was just sitting there waiting for the other bands to come on, the hipsters kindly provided me with two nifty compositions, one a mirror effect from a young couple and the other a pop of color in a blue (jeans) sea.

At Sully's bar in Seattle, a CU Buff fan watches the game on TV with other ex-Coloradans. Beer, football, friends...good day.

I'm pretty sure this woman walks the beach like this every day in Venice, CA. The backstory to go with this would be really something, I think...oh wait, that's a pun.



THE GLORIOUS WORLD OF FABULOUS ROCK STARS:

Whenever I see Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, I always end up taking pictures of Peter Hayes' hands. Catching him adjusting one of the pots on his guitar at their Seattle show was some excellent rock n' roll luck, unthinkably so with a point-n-shoot camera. Thanks, Pete! Stop biting your nails.

A Pop-Art process is perfect for a pic of Blondie's Debbie Harry, taken at the Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery in Woodinville, WA. 

I cannot think of a finer treat for any photographer than a Flaming Lips concert, and I am so not kidding. Their shows are filled with such fabulous imagery; you can shoot every second and get something cool. I had so many that I liked from this Seattle show at the Paramount. This one shows bit bit of the color and craziness, even from the balcony.

This photo of Brent DeBoer from the Dandy Warhols' Showbox at the Market gig is probably my favorite picture that I took from the entire year. Good camera, good access, and very good luck, as a  strobe fired and momentarily side-lit an almost completely dark stage. The colors, action, and composition are just right.

So remember, folks: carry a camera with you in 2011! It doesn't matter so much what kind it is; you just want to be ready. Photography lets other people see through your eyes. Share that.

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THE GREAT-GRANDFATHER

This is a true story, in case you might think that it was not.

I received an odd request from my 84-year-old mother the other day. She lives in a very small town, doesn’t own a computer nor wants to, but occasionally asks me to assist her by doing internet searches on some topic of interest or purchase something for her that she couldn’t. After some chit-chat, she asked me if I could find a specific book for her. Of course, I said; I had done this many times for her. What was odd this time was the book itself: a new biography on a famous alternative/funk/punk rock band. As you would guess, she doesn’t listen to the band's music nor really knows much about them. Why, I sputtered, why on earth do you want me to send you this book? She didn’t answer me right away.

“How much is it?” she asked.

I told her the price, not outrageous but not inexpensive either.

“OK. Please send it to me. Thank you.”

“But why??” I persisted. I had somewhat of an idea.

A close friend of hers, a man even older than she is and who now resides in an assisted-living facility, had phoned her to chat and wish her a Merry Christmas. My mother has known him for what must be 60 years now, and has always held him in the very highest regard: kind, sincere, intelligent, creative, a loyal friend. I knew him myself, and although it has been many years since I have seen him I have always agreed with my mom’s assessment. I have always been happy that she has had the good fortune to enjoy such a good person in her life for so long. So many are gone now; so many were never good at all.

This man was married to a fine woman for many years until her passing from Lou Gerhrig’s disease several years ago. As close friends do, my mother and her friend shared stories of their lives, their children, and then grandchildren. The man and his wife had a daughter who had a rough time of it, and ended up a destitute single mother of several children, one devastatingly handicapped. They helped her out as best they could. For many reasons, it was not easy to do so.

When his grandchildren were little, for many years my mother would send them cards with a little cash around the holidays and on their birthdays, knowing it would help. This is the kind of thing she does, and never seeks any attention or response for it. I didn’t even know that she had done it until years later after the children were grown. My mother told me the story when I brought home a copy of Vogue Magazine. One of the grandchildren, a tall, stunning young woman, was the cover model. She had done very well for herself, very far from her difficult upbringing, and there is no doubt you have seen her face many times. My mom’s friend was incredibly proud of her, and saved all her covers and ads when he could find them. The grandfather missed her terribly; she had not been in contact with him since she left home.

A few years later, he told my mom that he had heard that his granddaughter had began a romantic relationship with a member of the aforementioned rock band, sort of known as a crazy guy onstage, but also as intelligent man and an excellent musician. A short time later, the model and the musician had a baby girl with a funny name, who is now getting close to school-age. In his recent conversation with my mom, the man mentioned the new book about his maybe-grandson-in-law’s band (he doesn’t know if he and his granddaughter were ever married).

“So,” I said to my mother over the phone, “you are buying the book to send to him.”

“Yes.” My mom paused a long time, and then sighed heavily. “He was so hoping there might be a picture of his great-granddaughter in it.”

I was silent for a short time. “You know, it’s very unlikely. You still want me to get it?”

“It doesn’t matter. If there’s a chance, it’s worth it.”

My mother’s dear friend, in his 90s and who also doesn’t own a computer, has never seen a photograph of his great-granddaughter. But in the two seconds it took to Google the baby’s name, I or anyone else with a computer, can.

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ONE LAST THING

Here's a small mental exercise with big insight: take a moment in your mind to gather the people in your family who have died around a dinner table. You are allowed to ask or tell them one last thing. Spend no time thinking about it -- write down the first thing that pops into your head.

I'll go:

Grandma Lizzie: Your cinnamon rolls were really, really delicious.

Grandpa Guy: Did you really balance a push lawn mower on your chin, or am I crazy?

Grandma L: Did you ever think about me?

Dad: Your grandchildren are beautiful.

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SISTER MARY ELEPHANT IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER

I played "Sister Mary Elephant" by Cheech & Chong for MissEight today. She can't stop playing it.

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…AND WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

For those students like me who spent all of their school years waiting for the minute hand on the big round black clock on the wall to click over to the right and make it 3PM and OUT, it’s sometimes odd how school follows you around anyway. The consequences of the choices you make in your educational career, whether good, bad or solidly indifferent, are life-long. For many people, their years spent in school may total more than any single job, hobby, or marriage – it can be the one thing you’ve worked at the most. In that light, you should make the most out of such a substantial investment of your time. Doing your best at school is obviously a wise choice. But what about where you go to school?

I’ve thought about this a lot as both a student and parent of students, certainly with more intensity and worry with the latter. You want the best for your children and wish for them to have the confidence and opportunities that go along with being well-educated. I guess what I have come to understand is “the best” is much more complicated than I realized. The desired outcome, though, is a simple and universal wish: to be able to perform work that you are skilled at and enjoy and then be paid enough for that to support yourself and a family if you wish to have one. In a rough economy and rapidly-changing employment outlook, you need to be smart about educational choices more than ever.

Jacques Steinberg in this New York Times article reviews some of the recent opinions and studies regarding the value of attending an elite college. Do read it, but I will give you the frustrating mini-mini-version: it depends. Sorry. You have to look hard at individual motivation, personality, financial resources, and desired career choice to determine if trying to get into a highly-ranked/Ivy League institution is the right thing to do. Too many fuel the assumption that this is some Holy Grail, and that is not necessarily the case.

Part of the problem is the race to get to the top these days seems to begin at birth. Getting into the “best” private preschool leads to the “best” private elementary/magnet/choice schools, then secondary, blah blah blah. Does that work? It can, yes. But you can also spend an incredible amount of effort and money to hook into this idea of “best” when your child’s real “best” may be to do something other than attend a prestigious school straight out of high school. You just can’t know. Is it worth it to put children into the “be the best, get the best” pressure-cooker for their own good? Again, so much depends on the kid. Some will thrive, some will cave, and some will get the wrong message: that everything is all about prestige and money and connections. And sometimes the wrong message is the right message. Argh.

I think about my own public school education, largely a complete botch because of neglect, including my own incredible laziness. I checked out almost immediately. I didn’t know how to ask for the help I did need, and didn’t understand how important it was to make the best of what you have – these lessons came decades later. A little later on, I won a scholarship to one of the very few good private schools in the area. My dad then decided he didn’t want to drive me that far every day. I barely made it through high school, didn’t bother taking the SAT, didn’t go to college at 18, didn’t really know what had happened to me or what I was going to do with my life.

When I got very, very, very tired of feeling underpaid and dismissed, I went back to school at age 27 at a community college for a year, then transferred to a solid state school, the University of Colorado, obtaining a very nice GPA and degree that I liked, but would never end up using as a career. I didn’t even know then how to take advantage of the opportunities I had at school. Hindsight is cruel.

So…how would my life have been different had I been to elite schools as a child? There’s no way to know with certainty, of course; all I can do is make a reasoned guess based on the experiential smarts I gained over a lifetime rather than the paper smarts I was born with. Having more interesting and challenging work early on with more support would have been a much better foundation to build on. It’s not so much private vs. public– for small children, all they need are wonderful teachers who can engage them and encourage them and have the resources to be able to do so. Find them, wherever they are. But what about my personality? I think I still would have been lazy, so all that could have been kind of a waste, too. And socially at that point we were the “have nots,” so being at a pricey private school might have been awkward and inhibiting. I suspect that was the real reason my dad didn't allow me to go to the private school on scholarship money, although that problem was far more his than mine.

And looking down the road, what if I had attended Haaaavaaad or the like? Would I have been able to make something of it, or bailed at the competitiveness of it all and the daunting financial obligations? I am not sure of this, but I think I would have ended up recoiling from the heavy expectations. The best college for me would have been a more flexible and creative place, interactive and cooperative, where I would have had to pull what was uniquely best from me, rather than competently synthesize information and spit back stuff from a textbook. If this place exists without being covered in annoying hippies or smug hipsters, let me know.

To stop my rambling and summarize now:

-- There is no substitute for a truly excellent teacher. They can be found anywhere, but are rare. Worship them when you find them, because these are the people who will change your life.

-- Don’t bankrupt your future with educational debt you might have to take a lifetime to repay. Unless you have a pretty good idea that your career will be such that you will be able to take on Ivy-cost and not have to live in a shelter after, a less-expensive option might be better for you in the long-run.

-- Your internal drive, dedication, and persistence has more to do with success than any other factor, but…

-- “It’s who you know” and your perceived value having gained entrance to elite programs often provide you with the top jobs. Connections, baby…it’s a very real thing. This is most glaringly true in the legal and entertainment/arts professions. You will be judged on where you went to school forever in law, and who you know is pretty much everything in getting creative work seen and heard or working with creatives.

Being honest about who you are and what you want your life to be down the line is crucial to making the best decision regarding education, but even with that, you don’t really know until you are immersed in that school and when you are working in that career. Talk to others who now are where you’d like to be. How did they get there? What would they have done differently? What was their best decision? Look at both the well-worn paths and those less taken, clean off your mirror, take a deep breath, and go forth. The big black school clock keeps ticking away.

Cheech & Chong, "Sister Mary Elephant"

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WILCOFFEE

Oh, lookee here, fans of fine music and coffee, look what I GIFTED MYSELF, because I haven't KILLED ANYONE YET this holiday season!:

Marianne?, you say, Marianne...your coffee has "WILCO" on it.

Why yes it does, I reply.

Marianne?, you say, I thought Wilco is an American alternative country rock band based in Chicago, Illinois.

Well, yes, OK, yes, I reply, that is true, although I think that's an incomplete and possibly misleading internet description.

Mari?, you say, may we call you Mari?

No, I reply, no you may not.

I bought this fine limited-edition set because I love Wilco, I love coffee, and because I could. They are so nice that they even sent me TWO COOL FREE WILCO ITEMS too, HOO HAH!:

You may buy those cute Wilco mugs here, and you then may visit Intelligensia Coffee and cry in those mugs that you didn't get Wilcoffee like Marianne did, and that she won't let you call her Mari.

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TODAY'S XMAS SHOPPING A-HOLE AWARDS

I am still, of course, in hunter-gatherer mode for Christmas. I made the tactical decision to visit TJ Maxx and Cost Plus Warehouse this Friday afternoon, knowing that both stores would be crowded and traffic jammed. I also know that the misery of this will be exponentially raised on the weekend, so I took the lesser evil. Yet still -- STILL -- my experience was somehow made EVEN WORSE by a few suburban TURDS. I will immortalize them here on the internet, which is a vent for me and an opportunity for you to relate and/or go HA HA! at me for going into a store in December at all.

The Cruelty-In-Sound A-Hole Award goes to...


TJ MAXX CORPORATE for forcing me to listen to the most godawful Christmas music there must be on the planet. Too many oboes, too many completely-unmemorable "holiday" songs just slathered in autotune and pushed through the Blandinator, and a Dean Martin Christmas song that sounded so blasé that I nearly lost consciousness while by the jeans rack.


The Family Values A-Hole Award goes to...


THE MIDDLE-AGED DAUGHTER OF A VERY OLD TINY WOMAN USING A WALKER, who stood BEHIND ME and DID NOTHING as I assisted HER MOTHER who begged for help after she knocked over a display on herself and couldn't pick it up or move her walker. Of course I helped, picked up the mess, told her it was OK, and the woman was very grateful and even reached down to pat my back gently. I had no idea the daughter was RIGHT THERE until I had finished, got up, and heard her say to her mother, flatly, "Oh. You knocked something down again?" GRRRRRR.

and...

The SHUT UP! SHUT UP! EVEN JESUS WOULD TELL YOU TO SHUT! UP! Award goes to...

THE INCREDIBLY RUDE MIDDLE-AGED RICH BITCH ON HER CELLPHONE who thought that having a very intense and profanity-laden fight with someone on her Blackberry was OK to share with all the rest of us shoppers at TJ Maxx, as she strode around the store for a good 15 minutes, past grannies looking for gifts for their teen granddaughters, preschoolers in shopping carts, the cute girl in the Santa hat, and actual decent people who would at the very least take their dirty laundry to their cars in the parking lot.

When she pushed past me for like the third time, and loudly spat into her phone, "You're FUCKING with my HEAD!!" I did this:

which made several surrounding people laugh and nod their heads and feel better.

There will be no afterparty for these awards, unless you want to call Not Being In A Store At December a party, which it is, really.

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PEOPLE LIKE LISTS: MY 11 FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2010

Everyone and their grandma and their miniature horse and their work-related urine sample makes a year-end “best in music” list…I know, I know. Making one for myself isn’t me trying to convince you what is “best” because that is a silly conceit anyway. It’s more just having an opportunity to re-enjoy and re-think some of the albums I listened to this year. You are completely welcome to listen along. I enjoy your company, especially when you bring seasonal treats. Yum.

In looking over my 11 musical picks, I feel rather happy to note that this year I have seen nine of the bands play live this year, four of them more than once! It’s been another spectacular year for concerts, from Washington State to Washington, D.C., and seeing a lot of these songs performed in person definitely has influenced my feelings in selecting what I liked the most in new music this year. I will include videos from some of the shows I have seen if you’d like to see what I saw. Or you can just browse through all 472 posts I made so far on this site this year. Or you can clean out your coffeemaker and watch Glee. I don’t mind.

I will rank the albums in ascending favoritenessnessness, then LIKES and DISLIKES. If you ask me tomorrow, the rank might be different. But I don’t really think that’s going to happen, your asking, and I have not scheduled it anyway. Let us begin.

11. Dum Dum Girls: I Will Be

LIKES: Crispy low-fi jangle pop that channeled the few things I do like about the girl group era into something new; a dash of creepy kept it from being too Hello Kitty Goes Punk.

DISLIKES: Couldn’t find the fresh live – inexperienced musicianship and sour-ish attitudes buried the cool wink of the songs. Not sure if the band will have a solid second album in them.

Dum Dum Girls, "Hey Sis," Marymoor Park, Redmond WA. 8/29/10   

10. Sleigh Bells: Treats

LIKES: HUGE sound: incredibly distorted, grinding, sonic blasts of hip-hop tinged fun.

DISLIKES: Thin female vocals just so lost in the live sound. Can they write another album without it sounding like “That Hot Indie Sound of 2010?” I dunno.

Sleigh Bells, "Infinity Guitars"

9. Magnetic Fields: Realism

LIKES: Oh, Magnetic Fields…you so strange and lovely and funny and sad. Stephin Merritt never fails to deliver the most devastatingly-intelligent lyrics around…the David Sedaris of pop.

DISLIKES: You have to be in a particular mood to listen to Realism. It’s not really for the beach, let’s say.

The Magnetic Fields, "You Must Be Out Of Your Mind," Town Hall, Seattle WA 2/23/10

8. Wavves: King of the Beach

LIKES: Definitely for the beach. Silly, but clever songwriting going on underneath tons of low-fi reverb. I’d like to see these songs in a Monkees-style kids show. Without the pot.

DISLIKES: The strong mid-range distortion wears on my ears after awhile. Listening through an old AM-transistor radio might solve the problem.

Wavves, "Post-Acid"

7. Arcade Fire: The Suburbs

LIKES: Large diverse group of sincere Canadians make the grand musical statement people from more hip countries wouldn’t dare to. Heart-on-sleeve, but no fools. Success is theirs without compromise.

DISLIKES: A bit grand.

Arcade Fire, "The Suburbs"

6. Mavis Staples: You Are Not Alone

LIKES: Are you kidding me? THIS IS MAVIS STAPLES! Hearing one of the truly great voices of soul as produced by Jeff Tweedy of Wilco is a moving experience.

DISLIKES: Are you kidding me? THIS IS MAVIS STAPLES! Like there would be anything to dislike. Get out of here.

Mavis Staples, "Losing You," Town Hall, Seattle WA, 10/31/10

5. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: Beat The Devil’s Tattoo

LIKES: Strong effort from BRMC following the sublime “Baby 81.” The songs came fully alive for me in concert, with the title track and “Aya” as standouts. This trio doesn’t phone in anything, and they do “bluesgaze” better than their many imitators.

DISLIKES: Nothing on BTDT that hit me as hard as some of their previous work. It’s possible that my feelings here may be influenced by my frustration with Peter Hayes not fixing his missing tooth.

BRMC, "Beat The Devil's Tattoo," Showbox at the Market, Seattle WA 3/5/10

4. The Black Keys: Brothers

LIKES: There were just too many good songs on this album to keep it off this list. These two guys sure know how to tear up the blues without ever sounding clichéd or dusty. Very deserving of their rapidly-rising success.

DISLIKES: I sometimes long to hear the vocals with a kickass gritty female harmony paired in and playing off. HMM.

The Black Keys, "Howlin' For You"

3. Vampire Weekend: Contra

LIKES: Song after song of energetic,  engaging preps-meet-worldbeat with solid musicianship behind them. Hints of range and depth to come. Adorable, not as light as you think, but damn fun.

DISLIKES: The autotune schtick on “California English.”

Vampire Weekend, "I Think Ur A Contra," Paramount Theater, Seattle WA 9/23/10

2. Deerhunter: Halcyon Digest

LIKES: A “wow” record. Layers of atmospheric overdriven sound are made somehow delicate and sweet via bright acoustic guitar, high pure vocals, nostalgic retro pop nods. Obscure, random, weird, funny, sad lyrics play with your head. An incredibly cool combo.

DISLIKES: Sometimes a little self-conscious and unfocused.

Deerhunter, "Coronado"

1. Broken Bells – Broken Bells

LIKES: There wasn’t another album I went to more often this year than this debut effort from producer Danger Mouse and The Shins’ James Mercer. At first a little underwhelming, the sheer quality of the songs hooked me in big time: melodic, layered, masterfully arranged. Add Mercer’s peerless clean vocals on top, and I couldn’t get enough. His lyrics pop back in your consciousness at odd times, in odd ways, making you think. Smart smart smart smart.

DISLIKES: Disappointingly cold live, with a lack of connection between the many musicians assembled. They sounded just like the record, which is great because I love the record, but I expected even more onstage. If the record itself suffered from anything, it was a similar lack of edge-pushing. These dudes could use with a good ol’ physical brawl and a few beers or something.

Broken Bells, "The High Road," Showbox at the Market, Seattle WA, 5/25/10

So that’s that. 2010 rocked. Put that on your list.

And you know why I picked 11, right?

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RÉSUMÉ BE NOT

One of the paid writing jobs I have cobbled up over the years has been working with people on their résumés. Most often, the folks I’ve helped have been offered the jobs they wanted or have gotten into their schools of choice, and that is a very nice feeling. But as a writer, it’s always a challenge; sometimes you are dealing with someone who has very little experience, too much experience, or totally irrelevant experience, and you must WITHOUT BEING A HUGE LIAR find a way to translate his or her past skills into what an employer or school is looking for. The not-lying part of it is a big deal, as well as using language that is at least in the ballpark of practical use by the applicant. After all, nothing says “someone else wrote this big bunch of crap for me” more than when you fill Cletus Chewintabaccy‘s résumé with high-level marketing jargon and a list a dubious frilly achievements. At some point, Cletus is going to be asked just where in France the “Sorbitol Institute” is and how he managed to ghost-write five New York Times’ best-sellers while concurrently inventing Moon Boots.

I was prompted today to think about résumé writing from this CNN article, which lists LinkedIn’s Top Ten Overused Résumé Words, which are:

1. Extensive experience

2. Innovative

3. Motivated

4. Results-oriented

5. Dynamic

6. Proven track record

7. Team player

8. Fast-paced

9. Problem solver

10. Entrepreneurial

Oh yes, I know these, and know them well. Set the timer for 20 seconds, and I will write you a clichéd personal summary. GO!:

Dynamic, motivated, results-oriented professional with extensive experience and a proven track record. Entrepreneurial yet dedicated team player who thrives in a fast-paced, problem-solving environment.

Right?? Anyone who has ever written or read a résumé knows this is just such horse feces. You aren’t even reading those words because they are so overworked as to have become meaningless, yet all of them are still used in business so extensively. THEY LIVE.

I so wish résumés could just simply tell the truth. It sure would make my job lots easier. Oh, if only I could have written…

...Mid-life undereducated middle manager thrown to curb by overeducated youthful upper management. Reluctant career changer; willing to sulk morosely in corner for paycheck with health benefits. Will occasionally answer phones and bitch with others in the break room. Knows how to tie a tie. Bitter; enjoys professional sports on television.

...Artsy hipster applying to honors program only because of strong parental demand. Will flunk out mid-semester third year, but parents will make sizable university donation to reinstate good standing. Committed to never straining the workload of teaching assistants by actually ever handing in a paper to be graded. Sunglasses 24/7.

...Climbed corporate ladder by systematically undercutting and stealing the ideas of co-workers, brown-nosing superiors, and strategic in-house serial dating. Will say or do anything for employer if actions result in more money, power, and chicks. Does good meeting and brushes teeth after lunch in the executive can. No detectable soul to hamper worldwide success goals.

...Sweet frumpy mom of four crushingly-adorable “kiddos” wishes to re-enter the workforce after fifteen years of domestic duty. Brain so fried by speaking only with children for so long that adult conversations are peppered with the words “potty,” “no-no,” “beddy-bye,” and “look both ways before you cross!” Hard-working and kind; often distracted by telephone calls from aforementioned “kiddos.” Will do birthday and holiday shopping online on company time, but also will arrange all office parties, take extra work home to do after the kids are in beddy-bye, and always carries a spare tampon.

Call me innovative, but I think I have something here.

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SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT PAUL MC CARTNEY?

I feel torn. I have a problem with something, and it’s bugging me, and I’m not sure if it should, but it sure does.

I’m going to say it. (heavy sigh) Here it comes. Gonna say it. Right. NOW.

Paul McCartney, at age 68, has lost his voice.

There are those of you, perhaps having watched his appearance on SNL last week, or heard him play last night, broadcast live from the Apollo Theater in New York City, who may agree with me, and some who will not. Hell, I don’t even completely agree with me. But I considered my statement carefully, reviewed the recent evidence, and I sadly stand by my assertion. The man with the pure, effortless voice, who never hit a bum note in over 40+ years in his performing career, now struggles.

It stands out to me so much, mainly because my ears are so used to hearing his recorded work, always flawlessly sung. Up until the last couple of years or so, McCartney seemed to have no problems mirror-matching his vocal work live. It was expected of him, and he always delivered. But now I hear him do things that I never heard him do before – pushing into a gritty scream to attempt to hit a high note, the long, dragged-out, wobbling vibrato to cover dodgy held notes, the tightening of the throat to try to keep pitch. It doesn’t work. He sounds old.

Well, he is old, and I have no problem whatsoever with that. Music is for everyone, all ages, to listen to and to perform and enjoy. I guess my problem is that you can be damn sure McCartney knows what’s up with his voice. He’s a very particular musician (OK, outside of having Linda in the band). Imagine one of his sidemen singing like that. The guy would be history. It bothers me to think that Paul knows he is offering up a substandard Paul to audiences who will pay to see him anyway. Is that OK? (However, the most notorious shot-voice-still-playing musician is Bob Dylan. Not that he had a beautiful voice like Paul’s to begin with, but WTF? He sounds like a rock tumbler now.)

It makes me uncomfortable. I cringe with every blown note, wishing this wasn’t what people might judge and remember later. I about died when I heard AUTOTUNE on Paul’s last album. Oh god no. Not YOU TOO, Paul! NOOOOOOO! Sometimes, it’s just better to stop.

Or is it, I thought again, as I listened to the Apollo broadcast with MissEight. She wasn’t making any faces at flat notes or weak warbles. She was delighted at the idea of the songs being live, drumming along on her legs, telling me that “Maybe I’m Amazed” was her favorite Paul McCartney song. I felt glad – actually, really glad – that she had the opportunity to hear him at all.

Perhaps I should worry less about what has happened to Paul’s voice. After all, the real point is that he is still here, and still wants to play for people, and people are thrilled to hear him play. If he can entertain people, he should. The world needs it, flaws and all. There is still a bit of that magic in there – how else could you explain my daughter’s natural reaction to his music?

So what do we do about Paul McCartney? Well, duh. We let him be.

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O DAMN, LAWYERS ATE MY AMERICA

It is a highly depressing thought that, like a child who smashes his magnificent building block tower to the ground, people seem compelled to create greatness, then destroy it. Perhaps it is inevitable, inescapable, much like the bloom and decay of life itself. It seems if given half a chance, human beings like nothing better than to spend their precious days carefully crafting the most exquisite handbasket, never seeing the letters "H-E-L-L" weaved into the design until it is too late.

My handbasket is the United States of America. I love my country for its incredible physical beauty and variety, strong and generous people, and limitless opportunities. The latter quality is what defines this nation the most: that citizens have the ability to go beyond class, gender, or race to make the most of their lives, educationally, economically, and creatively. It's often a hard fight up the hill, yes, but in so many places in the world, you don't even get the chance to climb at all. How often we forget this, and take it for granted.

So it is beyond sad to me to see where we have landed at the end of 2010, at the mercy of politicians, judges, and lawyers who are picking apart the Constitution to feed bitter personal agendas and power alliances. Intended to protect us all, the Constitution is rapidly becoming nothing but a legal vulture feed station, and will end up protecting no one. It is hard to envision a functional America if this trend continues.

My head-banging despair comes today from a conservative judge's ruling that a key piece of the new health care legislation is unconstitutional. To distill it to its bare bones, the judge found via the Commerce Clause that Congress could not require citizens to purchase any commercial product, which is in this case, health insurance. Now on the face of it, this seems completely reasonable, and the Republican lawyers presented their argument well -- you don't want the government intruding into your personal buying decisions or forcing you to get something you don't want, right? But the health care issue and the whole accompanying medical insurance industry debacle is a profoundly different matter here, and must be dealt with in a smarter, broader way than the fearmongers are delivering.

Once again, how about a little reality and common sense? Our individual rights do NOT extend to contributing to bankrupt our country, one uninsured person after another. Affordable, subsidized insurance available to ALL, REGARDLESS of current or former health status, keeps people OUT of the far more expensive emergency medical system, which is now so overburdened in many states as to be nonfunctional. May I remind everyone:

1. People are human beings, and all human beings require medical care at some point; some more, some less, but ALL. People who choose not to buy insurance or cannot afford it won't just take their lumps and go die in a hole somewhere. They will wait in filthy, overcrowded ERs or understaffed clinics to get help. They will often wait to do so until they are so sick they can't stand it anymore, and when the costs of treatment are much higher. They will lose their jobs, won't be able to find others. Their children will miss school. They will receive bills that they can never pay.

2. The ability for ALL U.S. citizens to obtain quality and timely medical care, including preventative or "well" care, not only positively impacts individual health outcomes, but SAVES the government and hospital industry (and by "government," please read "tax payers," which is you and me) BILLIONS OF DOLLARS PER YEAR. All y'all, Republicans, Dems, Libertarians, Librarians, Argumentarians, read that again, because it is the truth. Uncompensated medical care costs are killing us. Dealing with it upfront is FAR less expensive.

3. WE pay for EVERYONE'S health decisions one way or another, whether you think you do or not. The cost of having an unhealthy population is ruinous to the ECONOMIC HEALTH and FUTURE of our country. Health care doesn't belong in the hands of business, for their decisions are not made for the benefit of the human beings who would like to remain well or get well. Their decisions are solely made to put money in the pockets of the business owners, and people die because of it. Do not even think for a second that you couldn't be one of them.

I expect my country, my beautiful, crazy country, to protect us all. The Commerce Clause was a slimy way to try to prevent President Obama's health care legislation from moving forward from an unacceptable, dangerous, and cruel social ill -- the functional inability for millions of Americans to enjoy the one thing that all other things depend upon: good health. Those entrusted to serve the public through thoughtful legal study and application instead use the Constitution against the best interests of our nation.

Should this ruling stand through the inevitable Supreme Court visit, the outcome for some  people will be death, as surely as if these well-paid, sheltered lawyers shot them point-blank. For the rest of us, we must watch our country's mission degrade day by day, as we are forced to step into a fiery, well-crafted handbasket.

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