Have you made a record yet? What?? Why not?!? 'CAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS! Or at least you would surmise so by perusing the vinyl bins at the thrift stores. Here are some examples of "everyone else," and please to enjoy!

The best you can be, apparently, involves trying to rescue a child and a dog from the imminent sun explosion. Also, the t-shirts and the MOUTHS. OMG.

Do you know some super-hipster that is constantly trying to one-up you with the most obscure, impossibly-cool music? Just haul this musical washboard album out and you win, forever.

Bud Freeman is all, yeah I'm all staring you down, I'm a sax badass in a grey suit, whatchu gon DO about it??

Eventually, Dave and "Sugar" were taken over and smothered to death by his ever-growing, kudzu-like body hair. Tragic.

Today today...I cannot figure out the point of this album cover.

Fart joke?

If you were Nadine, wouldn't you be so flattered to have songs dedicated to you by "The Pigbites?

It's just such a stretch for me to imagine that anyone's Saturday night mood would be stoked by the fox trot. I mean, maybe if you were segregated by sexes all of your life, but otherwise, meh.

Gee, they look pretty white to me, UH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH.


How can you argue with their cover assertion with songs like "Oh How Happy" and "Happiness?" Oh, right...that whole "Lonely Summer" thing.

This is not a flattering portrayal of the middle-aged Italian woman.

This comedy/music LP was so odd and '60s-time-capsule that I had to buy it, but it ended up a rather unfunny misogynistic mess and I gave it back to the Value Village. It was from that weird time when older people decided to jump on the mod/hippie/groovy train at last and it always seemed...well, like the feeling I had when my dad started sporting striped bell-bottoms and a funky mustache in his 50s. Yeah. No.

In this case, a stage name would've been a good idea.

And finally...I have no idea, but it was only a buck fitty.