Ahhh! I forgot I had these pictures on my phone from our last trip to Wisconsin, when we went to Kmart in search of cheap beach toys. We did find floaties and towels and swim goggles, but more importantly, we found these very damn peculiar outdoor ornamentations. We marveled at them long enough to be disturbed, confused, delighted, and late to the beach. Please to enjoy!

I...OK, right away, I am at a loss for words. I don't understand. It's a Watermelon Bird. Who would want this? What does it SAY? Is this cute? If this were a real bird, it's entire front half would be chopped off and it would be DEAD.

A frog riding a snail. Again, why? The snail seems terrified. Are frogs snail bullies? I don't know. I don't know anything at all.

Before owls were co-opted by hipsters, these things were used to scare off bunnies and other critters who enjoyed eating your carefully-tended plants and vegetables. But now I think they will just attract hipsters to your house, who will steal your organic produce.

Miss Eleven (then Ten) and her pal Stella show off their beach floats. 

I hope the tiki dudes eat those overly-cute dogs.

I think these are contenders in the UGLIEST DAMN THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN contest. Holy man. It's like looking at a flesh-eating virus wound with a hat or wig on it.

Finally, for those of you who see this video on Popthomology proper-like (sorry, Open Salon and Our Salon readers, you'll have to migrate there for this), a terrible, terrible frog. What is it about frogs? EWWWW. This thing whistles every time you walk by it. Have you ever heard a REAL frog "whistle?" Play both videos!

Screaming Frog Compilation