Haiti, The Supreme Clot, vapid freak Heidi Montag…who needs all that when you’ve got more Small Town Police Blotter news! YAY!


Illegal substance: A 19-year-old man got into a verbal argument with his mother at the Rose Hill Safeway. The man was mad because his mother would not give him $100 so he took her car keys. The man was contacted at Lover's Package by officers. The man attempted to conceal approximately three grams of marijuana and then fled on foot. The man was then re-contacted in the parking lot of Safeway and actively resisted multiple officers and citizens attempting to help. The man was tased multiple times and eventually was taken into custody.

Burglary: A juvenile male subject allegedly entered a home near Foys Lake claiming that he needed bandages for an injured friend. There was in fact no such friend, and the youth now faces burglary charges.


Oily mess: A witness reported that he saw a man dump items from the back of his pickup truck onto a parking lot in the Bella Botega shopping center and that the man also poured oil all over the items before fleeing from the scene. No suspect information is available.

Possible break-in
: A resident of Newsom Lane called to report that a door was open to a vacant home next door. Police arrived on scene and shut the door.

Questionable activities: A resident of Angel Point Road was alarmed to notice that drivers have been using a pull-off near their home to stop and make phone calls.

Questionable activities: A clerk at a local convenience store became uncomfortable with a white vehicle with its lights on in the parking lot. The suspicious vehicle turned out to belong to the employee’s boss.

Questionable activities: A black vehicle that was parked on Swan Ridge Drive for two hours was gone when authorities arrived.

Questionable activities: Someone in Somers apparently saw a green and white “something” fall out of the sky. The object, also described as a “ball of fire with a tail,” could not be located.

Questionable activities
: Someone in Bigfork saw a bright red light in the sky.

Questionable activities
: After driving by a Bigfork bar, a “concerned citizen” called to report that people were drinking at said location.

Suspicious person
: A man walking down Highway 2 in West Glacier was dressed appropriately for the weather and was not intoxicated. The welfare check was a great success.


Neighbor dispute
: Neighbors on Magstadt Lane evidently had some issues regarding the placement of snow. All parties were counseled.

Questionable activities: A resident of Hungry Horse called to report that a neighbor, with whom they were engaged in a feud, was walking down the road. They were evidently advised by a lawyer to call every time this occurred.

Nuisance: Someone on Conley Drive claims that his neighbors and their guests intentionally shone their vehicle lights through his window.


Theft: Someone evidently stole a ladder from a construction truck parked at a convenience store and then walked across the street to pawn it. His blunder was caught on the store’s surveillance tape.

Fire: A young woman in an apartment building in the 3100 block of Harlem smelled smoke in the building and called 911. When police and firemen arrived, an officer began knocking on doors because it was not obvious where the fire was burning. A woman answered their knock, opening the door to reveal an apartment completely filled with dense smoke. She appeared confused. She told police she had been drinking gin throughout the day, began cooking Polish sausage on the stovetop, then fell asleep before it was done.

Injury: Juan Delatorre, 42, of the 3700 block of Ridgeland, broke a window so he could yell at people in front of his home, police said. He was treated at MacNeal for a cut hand.

Possession, Public Intoxication
: Callers reported two suspicious men walking in the 3000 block of Wesley and looking into people’s yards. Police stopped Ellezer Torres, 36, Westchester, and Joseph A. Alvarez, 34, of 3002 Wesley. Both reportedly exhibited slurred, incoherent speech. Police said Alvarez had a PCP scented cigarette, as well as a vial of PCP; he was charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication. Torres was also charged with public intoxication and processed for an arrest warrant out of Lake County. Police recovered the vial of PCP from Alvarez’s coat pocket. According to the report, “upon seeing the vial, both Alvarez and Torres began to sayThis is bullsh!t” repeatedly”, then accused each other of ownership of the contraband.


Animal welfare
: Someone called to report that three stallions on Grande Vista Drive may have been wearing too-tight harnesses. The horses are in fact healthy and comfortable.

Animal welfare: A barking dog on Gunsight Loop had not been neglected but just liked to bark.

Animal welfare
: A mule was seen standing near a white house on Foothill Road. The mule may or may not have belonged on the property.

Loose dog: Highway 2 in Hungry Horse was momentarily occupied by a black dog.

Loose cat: According to a local resident, a cat is continually running wild on Cooperative Way.

Animal injury: In a tragic turn of fate, a vehicle struck and injured a turkey on North Hilltop Road. The turkey had been “taken care of” by the time authorities arrived on the scene.


Assault: After an ex-flame attempted to retrieve some of his belongings from her home, a woman on Meadow Court chased a man with a hatchet and struck him in the face with her hand.

Disorderly conduct
: After an episode of reckless driving, two motorists pulled to the side of Reserve Drive and yelled at each other.

Disorderly conduct with bodily fluids: Man referred to DA's office - A 34-year old man may wish he had kept his mouth closed during an incident that took place Jan. 5.

According to the police report, the man was arrested earlier in the evening at a bar in the Town of Oconomowoc for being disorderly and actively fighting with officers. He was brought to Oconomowoc Memorial Hospital by town police wearing a spit hood after spitting at two officers.

A nurse at the hospital said the hood was removed after the man calmed down. When the nurse gave him a sip of water, he spit it at her face.

Police are seeking to charge the man with expelling bodily fluids and the incident will be forwarded to the Waukesha County District Attorney's office for review.


Disorderly conduct: Luis M Garcia-Narvarro, 21, address not given, was charged with disorderly conduct after he allegedly asked for sex after his Tarot card reading at the psychic establishment in the 2600 block of S. Ridgeland. Garcia-Navarro paid his fortune-telling bill of $40, but then made “lewd sexual comments” offering to pay for sex as well. The female psychic called police.


Death: Passersby found a non-responsive woman sitting in a wheelchair in front of a house in the 3400 block of Ridgeland with her keys and checkbook. A family member told police that the woman, age 59, said on the phone earlier that she was going to the corner for cigarettes.


Negligent driving and underage drinking: Officers found Evan Johnson, 20, of the Town of Mukwonago, and a 16-year-old Town of Mukwonago girl driving negligently on Phantom Lake at 1:36 a.m. Jan. 6. They were stopped and officers discovered they had both consumed alcohol. Both were charged with negligent operation and absolute sobriety.

Criminal damage
: Someone struck a car several times with a blunt object, breaking a rear window and a tail lamp and denting the vehicle parked in the 22700 block of Marianne Avenue during evening of Dec. 31. The cost of the damage is being determined.

And my favorite of the month…

Questionable activities
: A resident of Bigfork reports that several kids came onto her front porch and left a robot near her door.