(Ed. - I am SO SO SO SO SO SO excited to begin bringing you coverage today of PIZZA FEST VI, Seattle's premier punk pizza party, which took place August 6-8. We start off now with Day One at the newly-relocated and reopened Funhouse, and the fabulous AJ Dent is onboard for Popthomology with her pithy review and spectacular photos so I could take some videos and take it (relatively) easy that night! Thank you, AJ -- you rule! Enjoy!)

The fact that everyone’s been salivating for the return of Pizza Fest was clear on August 6th, because by 9pm, The Funhouse was already slammed. No wonder: Pizza Riot’s debut performance was a suckerpunch and a punchline all at once. A suckerpunchline. Their songs about “Instant Parma” and poisoning Putin would no doubt earn fist pumps from Pussy Riot themselves, their source of inspiration. Face masks and riptide riffs fueled the freaky circus vibe of the venue, putting the night off to a perfect punky start. I love bands who sound badass and make me laugh at the same time. Not sure if they planned to be a one-off act, but I hope Pizza Riot makes more appearances before next year’s bash.

Pizza Riot

Next up, Bod brought the prog. The four-piece threads harmonies throughout warbling grunge waves; the sound is akin to watching rays of sunshine pierce through treetops while tripping in a dark forest. You could sink in like a shaman, headbang heartily, or anything in between to their tunes. I’ve been digging Party Drug, their first EP, loads this summer.


I got to see Donzis for the first time that night, and it felt fitting. This is classic spread-legged rock: growls and gnarling guitar solos, crescendos fast as freeways, drums that go off like a rocket’s ejection seat. And man, they make it look so easy. Great showmanship through every song, as well as the t-shirt giveaway they did mid-set.


Speaking of showmanship, Full Toilet was overflowing with it as usual. Hard to describe these guys without shaking your shoulders and just yelling, “Go see them!” They’re obsessed with guns, hate themselves and one another, and play with primal evil. Most of their songs are diarrhea-fast and about thirteen seconds long. I still have Silly String on my shoe from when they sprayed it into the crowd like a manic gun. (The guy in front of me in the crowd reached up at one point to spray it again, and it hit his lady friend right in the eye. I totally didn’t accidentally laugh at all or anything, I swear.) If there’s a band out there that screams the word “fuck” more than Don Sheets does while on stage, don’t let them know. The perma-aneurysm going on within him may become self-aware, assume human form, and kill someone nearby. (Ed. - Video warning: language, butt. It's tempting, REAL DAMN TEMPTING, to play this at work, but maybe only after the boss skips off to play golf.)

Full Toilet

There are a ton of puns I could drop surrounding the name Heaters, but I’m going to pretend to be mature for a minute instead because these guys are gooood. Lofi surf jams with the backbone of their Michigan homebase. Verby vocals riding rippling garage rock with a whole lotta hair-shaking going on. Pick up Solstice for summer night drives and sharing spliffs on a rooftop. (Ed. - Always good to see an appearance by Vent Reznor. Ah ha ha ha.)


The final act of the night was the inimitable CHILDBIRTH. I personally listen to “I Only Fucked You As A Joke” and “How Do Girls Even Do It?” whenever I’m pissed because I’m a well-adjusted adult great at handling my emotions. The trio complimented the theme of irreverent punk worthy of both shoulder-shoves and knee-slaps. The mosh pit in front of the stage was a sight for sore eyes. I can’t overstate how much I loved that eruption.


Pizza Fest is a place made for such magical things: sweat, shouts, manic-depressive music, middle fingers, and of course, the greatest grub to ever grace the earth. The first night’s bill could not have been better for all of the above. Thanks to all who put it together, played, and partied. See you back in the slime next year!

(Ed. - See you there next year, AJ, and see YOU back here for more coverage of PIZZA FEST VI Day Two and Day Three!!!)