Today MissNine left for sleep-away camp for five days here in Washington, but before she left I made sure to procure her comments on the garments she herself hand-picked as the worst in the Miami-area thrift stores we visited on our recent trip. I can't say I disagree with her choices, although I bet I could get $50 for that owl shirt in Portland.
"Look at this! Doesn't it make your stomach hurt?"
"BE MORE SHINY, SHIRT!!"
"This looks like someone rolled around in dirt."
"These colors are sickening together. It looks like a bad salad."
"It's really ugly."
"Hahaha! It looks like it has backwards legs! Also, it is terrible!"
"This is so random and it looks like it was cut in half."
"This is not worth $12.99. It isn't worth a penny."
"Hahaha! They should make Mitt Romney wear this every day!"
"No one wants anyone to wear a shirt that has creepy owls looking out at them."
"Can you wear this if you aren't Jewish? What would happen? Dove is the name of a soap."
"HA! These disco shoes look FAT!"
"No one in the world has pointy toes that would fit in these, so why make them?"
"You would get arrested if you wore this outside and then you could sue them for making the shirt that got you arrested."
"Same thing with this one, but even WORSE!!"
"This looks like my computer when it starts to crash."
"Why would any man wear this? It would be better to catch fish with."
"What is the point??? It's jungle and cat prints and then patches. I hate it. No one could ever look good in this, even if you were the best looking model in the world."
"This is supposed to look fancy but it just looks weird."
"This looks like a bleeding cat from far away and it makes me sad."
"This is for a wife and man who don't like each other."