Have you ever thought, "Gee, I wish I could have had a musical career -- that would have been super cool!" and kicked yourself for never following through with it? Here's something to cheer you up: you very well could have spent years of your life crafting your songs and image, secured a record contract, recorded what you felt was your life's master work, and then your album could have been discovered by me years later, discarded, dirty, and unloved, in a thrift store. Count your blessings, my friends. Please to enjoy this latest batch of weirdoes!

Well. Hmm. am confused. Like, in every way possible. I have no answers, so just look.

Helen! Why are you singing to the sheep? Why are you imploring them to run? Is there some dire circumstance coming? Why aren't you imploring those lovely children to run? Helen, what is your DEAL?

Instinctively, you know that if you owned one of these suits and even if you only wore it in the privacy of your own home with the curtains drawn, your life would be infinitely better.

What I like about this is the idea that the elves are real-life size, which would mean that the blue-green frog with bloody Hell-eyes is as big as a Mastiff dog.

Some time ago I wrote a post about my fifteen favorite songs about telephones, and to my great surprise it has become one of my most popular posts ever. I guess that may somewhat explain why this album was made: people like singing about phones and people like listening to songs about phones. Who knew?

I picture this as a fundamentalist Christian constipation aid.

It would be nice if this record was covering Pink Floyd's "Animals" album from the '70s. Let me believe, OK?

I can't decide if Debbie here is in the middle of a laugh or is ready to take a huge, fleshy bite out of the photographer.

She kinda has that Bettie Page vibe, filtered through a whole batch of weird. I hope she commands people to listen to her stories, and then does a striptease.


 You and me both, Inexplicably Mod Record Cover!

 She's in the mood for Billy's "magic trumpet," uh huh huh huh huh huh.

Every time I see these "WORD" label records, I think of "Word Up" by Cameo, which I am sure would trouble Kurt Kaiser and his labelmates quite a bit.

 I hope "The Comforter Has Come" is about getting a new fuzzy blanket delivered from Amazon.

Is the target audience for this record those who go into the store sobbing? Also, the Palermo Brothers seem too happy in the face of such a thing.

And finally...I believe a serious malady has affected Captain von Trapp here, and that medical attention should be offered at once.