You wouldn't think my hearing would be any good at all at this point in my life, considering my decades of exposure to very loud music, but it's good enough to overhear all kinds of fabulous public conversations! Now before you brand me a No-Good Privacy Stalker, I will in my defense say that, HEY, if you are speaking loud enough in a public place for me, a middle-aged woman with some degree of tinnitus, to hear your every word clearly, YOU ARE FAIR GAME! Proceed accordingly, General Public.

I write these down on my phone as they occur, because I love you so much. Please to enjoy!

1. Guitar Center

Middle Aged Dad: (eyeing up a pricy electric guitar) Well...he'd sure love it. That's the one.

Middle Aged Mom: (exasperated) Sure he would! And then he'd PAWN IT in six months! Come on, Jim!

2. QFC

Boy: (crabby) I don't like pumpkin pie AT ALL!

His Mother: (mad) We HAVE TO HAVE PUMPKIN PIE!!

3. TJ Maxx

Thirty-something woman: (holding up a plaid scarf) For Grandpa?

Her thirty-something sister: Who knows? Just get it. Done.

4. Starbucks

Young male Starbucks employee: (after spilling a large box of food product) Oh, so sorry. I'll clean it up, ha ha. Sorry!

His slightly-older male Starbucks supervisor: (under his breath) Great.

5. Ross Dress For Less

Forty-something woman with huge cart in line in front of me: Why do they always take so long to check people out here?? They don't seem to care there's a line!

Me: You are right. (abandons cart, walks out of store)